Wednesday, November 14, 2012


            The way I understand this, anyone who can gather 150 "signatures" can get an official petition listed in the White House's " We The People" initiative, letting everyone know of their cause.  If 25 thousand people sign the petition, the White House promises an official response.

             Sooooo...?  People from all 50 states have suddenly, and very politely, petitioned the United States of America to allow their states to secede peacefully from the union.  It began as a southern thing, with several southeastern states leading the pack.  But before long there were sufficient signatures from every state to list them all.  Enough folks in Texas are signed up to warrant an official response from the White House.

             Five thousand citizens in Austin have petitioned to remain U.S. citizens if the rest of the state is granted independence by federal decree.

              Tongue in cheek humor abounds...

              But I have a couple of questions, and I ask them with as much sincerity and professed ignorance as I can muster:

1)  What would happen if Obama and the federal government simply allowed an individual state to secede, with all voluntary permission and waivers in place to allow such a thing to occur?  Is that possible?  Do we ALL vote on whether or not to let Texas take a powder, or is it just up to Congress, or the President, or a combination of branches of government?

2)  What would happen (again...) if the federal government decided to grant ALL secession petitions unconditionally?   "If you live in America, you live in a state that has just asked for, and been granted, a complete separation agreement from the United States.  Adios, amigos."

          Something tells me a lot of people who hadn't signed any petitions to secede would be inclined to start petitions to have their states return to the union. 

          Of course, if you have 150 friends willing to sign on, you can have a special day of the year designated as "Frog Licking Day" or "Clothing Optional at Work Day".  With a few thousand more friends you can eagerly await an official White House response.

          There's a reason we don't favor legislation by referendum, on the whole, in America.  You can always find enough idiots to sign up for any proposition to make it viable, so it behooves us to maintain a rigorous, and sometimes tedious, dull, and infuriating political process to change things. 
           Mob rule would make for a messy republic.

           But I'd never refuse anyone's wishes if they wanted to leave my house, or my neighborhood, or my country.

           Don't understand why you're so eager to leave, but don't let the door slap your ass on the way out.



notacynic said...

Secede all you want but you have to leave all territory behind, as it is U.S. territory. I guess. How's that fifth dimension workin' out for ya?

jadedj said...

Just wondering, is the petition valid contingent on spelling the word correctly? Could be a problem for them.

Morans (sic)!

squatlo said...

I think some of the teabaggers are hoping their states "succeed" instead of "secede".

Either way, I'd be happy to show 'em the door.

Anonymous said...

"The good Lord never assembled any large group of men together without a liberal mumber of sons of bitches thrown in." - Robert Penn Warren.

Nan said...

One thing pushing the numbers up on some of those petitions is people in blue states who would be quite happy to see Texas or Alabama or the entire CSA depart discovered you don't have to live in the state in question to petition for its secession.

Do petitioners actually believe the "official response" will be to cut the states loose? If so, they do live in an alternate reality. More likely, it'll be a mass emailing of a form letter saying "Thank you for your concern" and that will be that. Oh, and having registered for a White House login ID, they may find themselves getting spammed by the Obama administration for the next 4 years.

Kulkuri said...

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups!!!!!!!!

J.O.B. said...

Hey Squatty how are ya. Just so you know, your beloved Tennessee has passed the 25,000 threshold.
To answer your question, secession is almost an impossibility and could only be obtained by extreme force. The Constitution does not allow part of a State to secede from the rest of the state, in order to form a new state. I believe it's Article IV, Section 2 or 3. There has also been rulings in SCOTUS that does not support a State's rights to secede. SCOTUS actually interpreted the Constitution to have created a union that is in their words, indestructible.
Rob Vischer, the incoming Dean of the University of St. Thomas School of Law recently said, "There are certain background premises that make our system of government possible, and one of them is the union is permanent." He also stated that, "It’s important to note these petitions aren’t coming from state legislatures, they’re not coming from governors, they’re just coming from private citizens — and a miniscule percentage of citizens in every state."

And if any Secessionist happens upon this comment (Doubtful), I would like to add that failure and loss would be almost immediate. I don't know the idea behind your secessionist attitude. Maybe your sick of taxes, a Liberal President, or a black man in the White House. I can guarantee three things.
1- Your state tax rate would explode. I don't think 50-75% would be an inflated estimate. You don't think your State's National Guard artillery can withstand the U.S. Armed Forces, do you?
2- After your land, territory, and local economy is decimated. You will need some sort of assistance just to survive and get back on your feet. Can you say Government hand out.
3- I 100% guarantee that after you fail, a black man will still be in the White House. And probably won't be the last either.

Hope this helped Squatty.......

The New York Crank said...

I read yesterday on some other blog (I wish I could remember which one) that a good strategy might be to let Texas secede. Then invade them, take their oil, hang their leaders and convert them into a democracy.

Not a bad idea, come to think of it.

Very crankily yours,
The New York Crank

squatlo said...

NYCrank, I'm adding your No More Mister Nice Blog to my "signs of intelligent life" blogroll. Don't know how I've missed your voice, but glad you're singing here with comments!

Hang their leaders, eh? My kind of solution...