Here's what the Mayor of London has to say about the opening ceremonies:
London Mayor Boris Johnson says he spent all night dreaming about the opening ceremony and thinks it was better than China's stunning show four years ago.
"Call me chauvinistic, call me jingoistic, but I think we knocked the spots off Beijing last night," Johnson said.
"From the beginning I was crying like a baby. I just thought it was brilliant."
He lauded the cultural complexity of Danny Boyle's production.
"We weren't just Beefeaters and Big Ben. It was the real story of this country," he said.
Yeah, brilliant. That's the word I was looking for... But somehow I kept coming up with "bullshit" instead.
I talked up the opening ceremonies around Chateau Squatlo yesterday because I was hoping to drum up a little enthusiasm for the Games, thus making them a part of the television schedule in the next two weeks. My lovely (and dangerous) wife would probably prefer to lock the remote control onto the "Law and Order" network (there must be at least one of those, because "bonk-bonk" is on 24 hours a day, seven days a week) so I like to prime the well in advance if I know there's something coming up I'd like to watch.
So I made a big deal about getting dinner off of the grill in time for the opening ceremony. We sat back, adult beverages in hand, prepared for the extravaganza.
But it turns out we weren't prepared at all.
About five minutes into the broadcast NBC had started the "up close and personal" interviews with a couple of American gymnasts, with Bob Costas telling them he had a package to deliver to them from Justin Beiber. I did an audible face palm at that moment. The network went to commercial break. They came back. It got worse.
Half an hour into the actual opening ceremony my wife (bless her heart for being THIS patient) looked over at me and said, and this is a direct quote: "Do we really have to watch this shit?"
Yep. It's historic. Only happens every four years, like presidential elections. We should be able to say we watched the Opening Ceremonies from London. We shall attempt to watch this shit, at least until the athletes are introduced in the Parade of Nations. Be patient, dear, perhaps it will get better.
I want my two hours back.
And now my wife won't let me touch the remote control anymore.
I think I hate England.