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Thursday, March 1, 2012

RIGHT WINGNUT CONSPIRACY THEORY: ANDREW BREITBART MURDERED BY KENYAN SOCIALIST PRESIDENT! (why wait for Nancy Grace and Rush Limbaugh?)

             The late Andrew Breitbart (another Obama hit squad victim...)

         When I read that Andrew Breitbart had passed away of "natural causes" at 43, I didn't suffer of the usual conflicted emotions I go through when someone I detest dies.  I won't lose any sleep knowing his particularly slimey brand of journalistic ethics has one less mouthpiece.  Breitbart might have had some wonderful qualities, and I'm sure his kids think well of him.  That's about all I'll say.  Unlike Breitbart, I'm not the kind of person who would tweet "Rest in Chappaquiddick" like he did after learning of Ted Kennedy's death, just before calling Kennedy "a special pile of human excrement."
          There will a lot of warm and fuzzy tributes to Breitbart in the next day or two, and I'm sure there will be quite a few posts like this one which won't paint his memory in such glowing terms.              
           I'll remember Andrew Breitbart for playing a large part in the faux scandal that killed off ACORN. 
           I'll remember him for the doctored video clip of Shirley Sherrod that got her canned from her job at the USDA. 
           I'll remember Breitbart staging an "incident" recently in which he was filmed screaming for Occupy Wall Streeters to "stop raping people."

           But mostly I'll remember his little speech in front of the CPAC in which he vowed to release new-found video tapes of Barack Obama in his college days:
“I have videos, this election we’re going to vet him,” Breitbart disclosed to raucous applause. “We are going to vet him from his college days to show you why racial division and class warfare are central to what hope and change was sold in 2008.”

           So I was thinking... why wait for Sean Hannity to have some right wing-nutter conspiracy theorist on his radio show saying those video tapes are the reason Breitbart was murdered?  The theory would go something like this: "The Obama administration couldn't afford to have those incriminating tapes of "Barry" Obama toking up, discussing his plans for a communist takeover of the American government, so they sent SEAL Team Seven over to Breitbart's place and killed him in his sleep."
           Look for Ann Coulter and the Drudge Report to jump on that meme, and within days a freshman House Republican will sponsor a bill calling for a special investigator to take over the autopsy to determine Breitbart's "real" cause of death.  It will be a popular rumor, just like the one that had Bill and Hillary Clinton killing Vince Foster to cover up his affair with the (then) First Lady.  Remember that one?  There were even some House Repubs willing to go out and practice point-blank gun play to prove it went down like that... And talk radio had a field day, despite the fact that a good man had committed suicide and had barely had time to cool off in the morgue before they started making up shit about his death.

           Just wanted you to know I like to be proactive when I'm pondering the worst possible way Faux News and the right wing echo chamber could spin this asshole's death.

           Yeah, Obama did it.  Breitbart must have had his REAL birth certificate!  The one from Kenya...

            




7 comments:

Sarge said...

I must confess that I vaguely know the man's name and have never read anything by him nor watched a video
of him speaking.

From your post - I feel that I am likely a better person for that.

Plot? Wonder if it was the same group that offed Whitney?

Sarge

squatlo said...

Oh, just hide and watch... before the week is out someone (other than my sarcastic ass) will suggest he was murdered to cover up Obama's dark secrets.

the yellow fringe said...

I think a poor person did it, they killed him.

Paco said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

When we have criminals running the white house, it doesn't surprise me of this unfortunate ordeal. Desperate people with an agenda will do anything in their power to cover their tracks, but life has a funny way of making things right. No matter if he died due to natural causes, or was killed because of the information he had, the light will always punch through the dark path. Everything comes a float. I believe he was killed, and the evidence will come up.

squatlo said...

Eh? Eh? Anybody else notice that?

Paco, don't be shy, dude! You left your remarks implying Breitbart was indeed (!) murdered (probably not recognizing that I was completely making shit up to get a jump on conspiracy theorists...) and then deleted your comment... only to ADD it again as ANONYMOUS?

Why not stand there behind your beliefs instead of trying to crayfish back up under some kind of anonymous rock?

I halfway expected a lot of rightie blowhard blowback, but figured NO ONE WOULD TAKE ME FUCKING SERIOUSLY.

Never underestimate... I gotta keep telling myself... don't sell 'em short, they'll always be one step further down the rabbit hole than you had imagined possible.

mother fuck... I need a new hobby.

squatlo said...

Well, you heard it here folks...

Maybe I should write for the Drudge Report? I could sell this shit! I could simply make shit up and market it to the Paco's of the world. Probably a club they all belong too...