25 YEAR NOWEGIAN STUDY OF POT SMOKERS REVEALS THEY ARE LESS DEDICATED TO WORK THAN FOLKS WHO ABSTAIN FROM POT (well, duh!)

         I sometimes wonder who makes the decision to use research grant money to study things that are clearly obvious from the outset...  You know the studies I'm talking about?  The ones with newspaper headlines that say things like "Study concludes drowning victims less thirsty," or "Wealthy people eat healthier meals than the homeless."
         Jeez...
        A Norwegian study has concluded, after 25 exhaustive years of research, that pot smokers tend to be less dedicated to their jobs than those who don't smoke pot.  The study admits that it's possible people who were dissatisfied with their jobs might have turned to pot for comfort, and not the other way around.  There again, a baseline problem.  They should test non-smokers ahead of employment, then track the pot heads after they've cleared the drug screening.

         From personal experience I can assure you that the pot smokers I worked with in the factory were a lot better at their jobs than the straight-as-an-arrow drones we worked beside.  Those of us who came to work with a happy buzz usually jumped right into the monotony of production work, radios tuned to good tunes, while those who were relying on coffee and a danish for their inspiration spent the first hour of every shift trying to get motivated, and tended to listen to right wing talk radio.  We stoners did a jump start on production out in the company parking lot most mornings, finished out daily duties early, and had fewer returns than the people who slogged through the day trying to find a reason to live.
         Hell, we had a great reason to live!  There was another doobie making the rounds at the next break!  Woo-hoo!
         As an added bonus, those of us who were high and suffered minor injuries on the job were a lot less willing to report those injuries to the company nurse for fear of being piss tested.  The company dealt with a lot fewer loss-time injuries when the labor force was stoned...  If we were "less dedicated" to our job, it was only because it was keeping us from maintaining a mellow buzz.  That, and the fact that it's harder for a manager to intimidate people who can't stop giggling at his ridiculous motivational tactics.  Stoners make lousy sheeple...

         I'm going to apply for government grants to see if I can get in on this cash cow.  How about this?  I'll tell the feds I need funding for my study which will attempt to determine whether or not loud television commercials are annoying to bloggers who are trying to think.  I'm pretty sure my own research on that subject will suffice.  As I write this post there is a pig screaming "Whee! Whee!" as it rides a street luge down the highway in a Geiko commercial on the television in the living room.  I can tell you without government cash that I'm highly annoyed.  Where's my check to document this finding?
          I've got a million worthy studies in mind:

"Research funding needed to prove mice don't like the aftertaste of D-Con"

"Multi-year study to follow effects of Jamaican ganja as an appetite suppressant"

"Does tailgating in traffic lead to road rage?"

"Study to determine if college students prefer early morning calculus classes to afternoon naps"

"Research to prove puppies love bacon more than pickles"

           Where do I apply? 
        
            (send message via comments, please... I'm going out back to burn one.
Suddenly I don't feel like working...)