Saturday, December 31, 2011


          There's an idiot cooling his heels in a Lexington, North Carolina hoosegow (look it up) 'cause he manufactured and then tried to pass a one million dollar bill at a local Walmart for his purchase of a vacuum cleaner, microwave, and $476 worth of stuff.  Needless to say, the store was unable to make change... Instead, they called police, and 53 year-old Michael Fuller was charged with forgery and other felonies.
           Heavy sigh...

           If you're interested in helping Mike out, he's being held under a bond of $17,500 and is supposed to appear in court on Tuesday.

           Happy New Year.

"PUNTNIK" FALLS FROM THE SKY AT INSIGHT BOWL (no Hawkeyes were harmed in the making of this video)

         I've always wondered whether or not play would be halted if one of these things were to crash to the field.  I'm still wondering...

         Iowa and Oklahoma players were a little bit startled when the Skycam dropped onto the field at the Tempe, Az Insight Bowl.  No one was harmed, and the announcers had a good time describing the camera's slightly less than blazing speed as it was drug toward the sideline.

         If you listen to the band in the background, you can hear them playing the ESPN Sports Center theme.  Pretty funny timing, actually, since it was an ESPN camera holding up the game.


         I just love traditional Xmas carols, don't you?

"Deck the jails with Wall Street bankers, fa la la la la, la la la la,
We all know they're crooks and wankers, fa la la la la, la la la la..."


        Here's a quote from the Boing Boing clip:

I have tried with friends to say the most blasphemous sentence I can possibly say and it does not come close to the blasphemy of Michelle Bachman saying that earthquakes and hurricanes were the way God was trying to get the attention of politicians.

        Bright guy...

TIME FOR "TIME'S" TOP TEN EVENTS OF THE PREVIOUS YEAR (and you should notice a common theme among them...)

       According to Time Magazine, these are the top ten events from 2011:

1)  Occupy Wall Street
2)  GOP Presidential Race
3)  The Economy
4)  Leaving Iraq
5)  Gabrielle Gifford's Shooting
6)  Penn State Sex Scandal
7)  Debt-Ceiling Crisis
8)  Death of Steve Jobs
9)  Freak Weather
10) Execution of Troy Davis

           Notice anything odd about that list?  Would you be surprised to learn that one particular group of individuals in America were responsible for at least six or seven of the worst ones?  Here's a quickie rundown of cause/effect for you to consider:

1)  Occupy Wall Street was brought about by a populist uprising against corporate greed, foreclosures, and wealth disparity.  The policies of deregulation of banking services and stock market manipulations touted by the Republican Party are the primary cause of this movement.

2)  The GOP circus clown car of freaks, fools, and floundering fuck-ups continues in corn-infested states, and should provide a million laughs between now and Super Tuesday in March.  Enjoy the Republicans at their finest!

3)  The economic meltdown was begun in earnest under President George W. Bush, and then handed off to President Obama like a steaming turd for him to bring back to life.  Immediately the Republicans began to point at Obama and insist that since the turd was now in HIS hand, it was all his fault.  They continue to insist having had nothing whatsoever to do with our economy's demise, despite overwhelmingly supporting two unfunded wars, riding roughshod over any efforts to regulate the banking and financial system, and generally doing the bidding of their corporate whore masters.

4)  Leaving Iraq is one of the top stories.  Why we're even IN Iraq in the first place is entirely the work of the Republican merchants of evil who left town when Obama took office.  Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Powell, and the Wolfowitz's and Perle's of the backroom boys' club should all be in shackles before a War Crimes Tribunal at The Hague.  This war, regardless of bipartisan support from Congress, was entirely a manifestation of cooked documents, cherry-picked intel, and an overwhelming desire among those at the upper levels of the previous administration to enrich their friends in the corporate military/industrial complex.  This horrible foreign policy disaster is entirely a GOP creation.

5)  Gabby Giffords, a Democrat, was shot by a lunatic with a gun fetish.  What political party has a gun fetish?  What political party works night and day to support the NRA's efforts to make sure everyone in America, regardless of their mental stability, has access to and the legal right to own and use deadly weapons?  While the shooter might not have had political connections to the GOP, the ease in which he armed himself is symbolic of the Republican policy toward handguns.

6)  Penn State sex scandal... a perv molesting little boys.  Not sure of Sandusky's political leanings, so we'll let this one slide... 

7)  The debt-ceiling crisis wasn't an actual crisis at all, but merely obstructionism on display by the freshman members of the GOP's House of Reprehensibles.  Their brinkmanship and obstinacy were behind almost every stalemate faced by Congress in the previous year.  America's economy suffered because of these trolls, and continues to suffer every time they convene for a new session.

8)  Pretty sure the GOP didn't kill off Steve Jobs, so again, we'll let it slide.

9)  Freaky weather... anyone know which political party is home to those who deny the existence of man-made climate change?  The GOP has the market cornered on global warming deniers, and has done everything possible to keep legislation that might begin to address the problem from becoming law.  These are the same people who can't seem to get their heads around the theory of evolution, so what should we expect when it comes to weather science?

10)  I'm pretty sure the death of Troy Davis was an equal opportunity abomination, but I'd be willing to bet those in charge of the legal fight to carry out that execution were primarily Republicans.  After all, executions are how the Christian Right remind us that Jesus died for our sins...

          It's possible that about half of the negative events responsible for inclusion on Time's Top Ten list wouldn't have taken place if not for the policies of the Republican Party. 

          We really ought to keep an eye on those assholes...

Friday, December 30, 2011

PERRY AT HIS FINEST~! (ever write an essay on a subject you know nothing about?)

         Did you know it's a "gotcha question" if you ask the Governor of Texas about the landmark Supreme Court decision that strikes down anti-sodomy laws in his own state, even if that same governor rails about "activist" court decisions concerning 'values' issues like gay marriage?  Neither did the gentleman who asked Rick Perry about the Supreme Court ruling of 2003 in Lawrence v Texas. 
          If the guy had asked Governor Clueless about gay marriage, or court rulings that interfere with his church's viewpoint on issues like sodomy, I'm sure Perry's filibuster of an answer would have been more cogent.   But watching Perry squirm his way through a two minute response to a question about a subject of which he hasn't the slightest clue is priceless~! 
          As uncomfortable as it might be to watch, this is so reminiscent of some of the book reports and essays I tried to bluff my way through in high school and college, that I feel a bit of camaraderie with ol' Rick as he blusters along.  
           I'd feel sorry for Rick Perry if it weren't so much fun to see his pompous ass hoisted up like a fraternity flag, flapping aimlessly in the chilly breeze of Iowa...


               One of the more curious aspects to this year's presidential nomination circus has been the way uber-rich Republicans have done their very best to portray themselves as "men of the people".  Or "woman" of the people, in Michele Bachmann's case.  Along the way, they've made a lot of references to President Obama being an "elitist".
               The odd thing (other than the utter hypocrisy) is that Obama grew up in a single-parent household with a mom who needed government support to get by, during the lean years.  Most of the GOP candidates grew up in cushy circumstances, and at least two of them (Romney and Huntsman) were the priveleged children of rich families. 
               You might have heard where Oven Mitt Romney, a guy with an estimated net worth of over a quarter of a BILLION dollars, took a swipe at Obama's attitude about the economy by comparing him to Marie Antoinette.  That's right... the richest man to run for president since Steve Forbes compared the food stamp kid of the single parent household to the arrogant aristocrat who suggested the peasants hungry for bread just "eat cake" until some comes along.
                I'm reminded of Steve Martin's opening lines in "The Jerk"...
                 Only Obama and Herman Cain could get away with THAT line...

Thursday, December 29, 2011


            An American boot manufacturer is marketing their Spanish made leather boots on Amazon and Shopbop in an unusually eye-catching way.  Under style, the ads say "Miller".  Under color? "Kentucky Negro"...
            Now, negro means black in Spanish, and it's possible the color representation in the ads was taken from the Spanish version.  But if you're an American company advertising on Amazon, why would you use "negro" instead of "black"?
            Coclico's own e-commerce site refers to the color as "Kentucky black", but the ad above was taken from Amazon.
            Some might find the most offensive thing about this ad is the $407.28 price tag, and that's AFTER a $107.72 discount (20%)...
            But really... Negro?



           I've learned to pay attention to the wisdom of Robert Reich over the years, and maybe we should all perk up and listen to what he has to say about the coming presidential election.  In a story on Huff'n'Puff Post (reprinted from Reich predicts Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden will swap jobs, with Biden taking over as Secretary of State and Hillary joining Obama as his vice presidential running mate.
           Hillary Clinton has indicated that she would step down as Secretary of State after Obama's reelection (and who could blame her after four years of non-stop travelling around the globe) and Reich says Biden has always coveted the State Department position.  The swap would do two things for the ticket:  it would instill a new found excitement among progressives who believe Obama and Biden caved on too many issues in the past, and it would position Hillary as the obvious heir to the Democratic ticket in 2016.
            Something else to consider here...  While President Obama has been named the "most admired man" in each of the past four Gallup Polls, Hillary Clinton has won the "most admired woman" title for 10 consecutive years, and 16 of the past 18 years.  Secretary Clinton's 16 Gallup Poll wins surpasses Eleanor Roosevelt's record of 13 "most admired" titles.  She is obviously well-thought of in the eyes of many Americans, and her inclusion on the national ticket would off-set any potential surprise running mate Romney adds to his own bumper sticker in 2012.
            I think this might work.  Any thoughts?

Wednesday, December 28, 2011


         This just happened, in case you were wondering...

         But wait, it's happened before... this is from three years ago in the same "holy shit" city...

           And the same two factions met up in Jerusalem a while back...

           Apparently, Greeks and Armenians don't get along all that well.  Damned shame, with it being Christmas and all.

        Peace on Earth, and good will toward men. Except for those bastards over there in the funny outfits.



          Think Progress is reporting that Rick Perry is getting huge applause lines in Iowa with this one:

“Every barrel of oil that comes out of those sands in Canada is a barrel of oil that we don’t have to buy from a foreign source,” Perry said, adding that buying so much energy from foreign countries is “not good policy, it’s not good politics and frankly it‘s un-American.”

          Apparently, the last person in Texas to pay attention to textbooks was Lee Harvey Oswald.
Jeez, isn't his fifteen minutes up yet?

IF ATHEISTS BEHAVED LIKE CHRISTIANS (boy, would they be a pain in the ass!)

         Must be that time of year.  A couple just dropped by to see if I had found Christ in my life.
I didn't even know he was missing...


        One of these days we're going to be hearing a lot more from this little girl.  She's already a hero to a lot of us, but can you imagine what the future holds for adults who try to pigeonhole this young lady in the next few years?

        C'mon kid, the world needs you now more than ever!

CHEETAH HAS DIED... (who knew Tarzan's chimpanzee was still kicking?)

             The Tarzan movies that starred Johnny Weissmuller were made in the early 1930's, and everyone from those movies has passed on to that great alligator wrestling swamp in the sky... But the comic relief from those movies has just now gone to join them.
             Cheetah the chimp was over 80 years old.  Handlers at the animal sanctuary in Florida said he was not a trouble-maker, but when aggravated would sometimes throw feces.  Well, don't we all.

             Should have included that in a movie... it would have been worth a laugh or two.  God knows, no one was watching to see Weissmuller in his Speedo...


             There's an article in this morning's Nashville Tennessean (motto: "We sometimes leave out the sports section to save paper!") concerning efforts in the state legislature to pass new restrictions for welfare recipients that will require drug testing.  Proponents of the law like to point to the savings such testing will reap for the state's struggling financial budget.  What they don't like to talk about is how much they love making the poor or unemployed jump through insulting hoops in order to get handouts from the state.  Even those "handouts" folks paid for through their years of employment.
             This is always an interesting subject to bring up at family gatherings or when you're at a party.  Nothing works as well to clearly define where people stand on politics than the issue of drug testing welfare recipients.  Sometimes it's funny to hear a guy who just handed you a joint pontificating on drug-addled welfare queens wasting his tax dollars.  Your right wing brother-in-law is more likely to go into a spittle-showering rage over this than just about anything else you could bring up...  Keep that in mind the next time you want to raise his blood pressure in front of a group.

             Knowing how quickly this subject brings out the inner-Scrooge in conservatives, I like to keep a few of those pesky ol' facts in my pocket for just such occasions.  According to a New York Times article, about twenty states prohibit unemployment benefits to people who lost jobs because of drugs.  Whether those people were unjustly terminated or were able to return to work after arbitration doesn't seem to matter.  Just deny them their benefits, hell or high water.  Twelve states also deny all benefits (unemployment/workmans compensation/welfare/job training/food stamps/public housing) to anyone convicted of a drug related felony.  Again, the appeals process is a secondary concern.
             Those states that require drug tests for government benefits have had a spotty record of success, too.  Michigan passed one of the first sweeping laws to require testing, and it was later knocked down by the courts which ruled it unreasonable search and seizure.  Florida requires applicants to pay up to $40 for the test, and get themselves to a certified testing center in order to process their applications. If they test clean, they get a refund. The vast majority of positive test results are for marijuana use.                        

             Arizona requires applicants who answer "yes" to a question about recent drug use to be tested.  Only 16 out of 64,000 answered yes (well, duh!), while another 931 did not return the form at all.  Proponents of drug testing claim that this proves those people would have tested positive, and thus the state saved tens of thousands in funds that would have gone to illegal drugs. 

             Perhaps they're right.  But then again, what if they didn't have the money to pay for their own drug screenings or transportation to and from testing stations?  Or what if they were just insulted that they were being required to disprove the stereotypical stigma most conservatives have of welfare recipients?

             Here's the other side of that drug testing coin to consider... most of those folks who apply for benefits have minor children in their homes.  To deny benefits they've paid for through unemployment insurance, or workman's compensation, or by virtue of their years of state and federal taxes due to a positive test from a urine sample also denies needed money to a household that might include children, kids who had nothing whatsoever to do with mom or dad's mistake of partaking of a doobie a few weeks before losing a job to a failing economy.  When the heat and lights are turned off and there's no food in the house, how does your conservative brother-in-law feel about those kids' prospects for the winter?  If yours is like mine, he won't give a shit or lose a minute's sleep.  Not his problem.  Fuck 'em.
              But if you think like that, maybe you should keep this photo in mind, courtesy of the New York Times...

              Merry Christmas...

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

93 YEAR-OLD TENNESSEE WOMAN DENIED VOTER ID CARD (cleaned Governor's office, but not allowed to vote)

       Here's one from Think Progress that sounds familiar as hell...  A 93 year-old woman who cleaned the state's Capitol for 30 years has been told her old voter ID card won't cut it under the new rules rammed through by the Republicans in our state's House of Reprehensibles.  She tried to obtain a new voter ID card, but because she was delivered by a midwife in Alabama back in 1918 and has never obtained a birth certificate, her application was denied.
       Of course, now that her case has made headlines the folks at the House Republican Caucus are saying it's all an unfortunate mix up, and no doubt they'll make quite a show of correcting the injustice... probably on camera.
        But when you consider the fact that there have been several of these highly publicized (and offensive as hell) stories recently here in the Volunteer State, you have to assume there are hundreds of stories like this that are going unreported.  Elderly people who have voted all of their lives are being denied access to the polls by these absurd new restrictions requiring photo identification, and unless the Justice Department steps in with an injunction like to the one they slapped down on similar voter suppression tactics in South Carolina a significant number of Tennesseans will be turned away at the polls in our next election.
          These new rules, masked and marketed as solutions to a non-existent voter fraud problem, will prevent thousands of eligible voters from casting ballots.  Instead of working to encourage a broader participation in our most basic democratic right, the right to vote for one's representatives, the Republican Party is doing all they can to keep students, the poor, and the elderly from voting.
          God Bless America.


         According to an article in Alternet by Alex Henderson, many young women are entering into the world of sex work as a way to make ends meet (so to speak) in a tough economy.  This isn't new, of course, and prostitution is usually called the world's oldest profession.  But what IS new is that many young college students and graduates are turning to a form of sex work that doesn't require sex, or in some cases, even stripping or nudity.  Welcome to the bold new world of the professional dominatrix.
         Pro-dommes, as they're called, engage in a form of BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism) that is gradually becoming more socially accepted.  Men pay these women well to restrain, punish, and abuse them (or what most of us call "marriage") and some women, in return, supplement their incomes with a well-paying gig that offers flexible hours while not requiring them to actually engage in sex or even remove their clothing.
          Susan Wright, the president and founder of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (not really hearing fifes and drums with this group's name...) says many young women are attracted to the profession because they can make a lot of money working part-time.
“Being a pro-domme is not prostitution and is not stripping,” Wright said. “It’s more a mixture of performance art and sexual stimulation. And a pro-domme is in a position of power, which is very different from being a stripper or an escort. That puts being a pro-domme in a very different category of sex work.”
          Nina Payne, a dominatrix who owns Domi Dollz in New York City, says 80% of the women who come to work for her don't intend to stay in the business as a career.
All kinds of women have come to me; I’ve had pre-med students, I’ve had women that were in law school, I’ve had women that were dancers or actresses. It’s all types. I meet women who are 18 years old and just graduated from high school, and I have women who are 40 years old or 50 years old and have steady careers but are interested in pursuing it as a side job—and not necessarily just to make money, but also, for the excitement of it. But overall, I would say it is younger women who are in college or are right out of college and are trying to find that first job. They’re hoping to make some extra money and maybe learn some things about their sexuality.”

          The article says there are drawbacks to getting into the business, however.  Not the least of these is the expense involved in acquiring the necessary equipment, from expensive dungeons and restraints, to the leather, latex, and rubber fetish attire worn by the pro-dommes.  Those who rent dungeon space from others (there's a property management niche I hadn't considered...) often pay a percentage of their earnings back to the owner of the property.

          I'm not sure where one finds available dungeon space in a slumping housing market, but it's nice to know even a damp, dark, dreary basement is a potential money maker.  Wonder if anyone would be interested in renting out our tool shed?  I'll even move the riding mower and weed-eaters...


A SHOUT-OUT TO PATRICIA AT "THE POLYGON" (I urge you to pay her paint splattered studio a visit!)

       Anyone who bills herself as a "part time wage slave and full time visual artist" deserves a closer look...
       The last person to sign on as a follower of this site has an interesting (and fairly new) blog of her own.  Patricia's agitations can be found here, and I recommend all of my regular readers, miscreants, pervs, and political misfits dash over there and sign up to follow her blog.  Anyone who takes a full swing at the Pope in the first post I find on her site earns a tip of the hat... I just wish it was a big ol' pompous papal hat I was tippin'...
        Go, my pretties, and see what of I speak!

        The Polygon awaits.

WHAT HAPPENED WHILE I WAS AWAY? (seems a few major Repubs forgot to sign up for Virginia's primary...)

         This is a head-scratcher, as far as I'm concerned...  I can understand how a candidate might forget to secure the domain name that links his own name with a campaign friendly website (go to to see what that's all about...)  After all, I doubt Lincoln or Roosevelt bothered with GoDaddy when they were running for office...  But how in the hell can a candidate fail to get the requisite number of signatures needed to be included on a major state's primary ballot?
          Noot's supposed to be a historian, or at least that's what he likes to call himself.  I guess by his standards anyone who has read a non-fiction book qualifies in that regard.  But most campaigns have someone employed to make certain they've met the criteria necessary to qualify for ballot inclusion in every state they hope to win in the primary election.  Somehow Noot's Clown Posse forgot to gather the 10,000 signatures they needed to be included on Virginia's Super Tuesday primary on March 6.
           For what it's worth, Rick Perry's team was unable to find enough folks willing to sign on, as well.  But we all know Rick Perry's a joke, and whether he's on the ballot or not will make little difference as far as his chances go.  The real issue here is where Perry supporters in Virginia would be most likely to turn in his absence... and few people think Mitt Romney would get those votes.
         In fact, recent polling suggests that Noot would carry Virginia with ease over Romney.  Of course, you have to be on the ballot to win elections...
         A conservative group calling itself Citizens for the Republic (can't you just hear the fife and drums when you read that?) has hired former Virginia Democratic Party Chairman Paul Goldman to challenge the eligibility laws of Virginia in an effort to get Noot's name on the ballot, despite the ruling by the Virginia Republican Party that he would be denied ballot access because of the lack of signatures.
          Personally, I think the signature thing is a ridiculous and antiquated throwback to a quaint era in national politics.  If a candidate is polling at the top of the national race and has been included in all of the previous debate forums, he or she ought to be on every state's ballot.  Even if that candidate lost his entire campaign staff while he was shopping at Tiffany's or cruising around Greece with his inflatable doll wife instead of getting signatures in The Old Dominion.

         But you have to admit, this bunch is fun to watch in action.  Just imagine them running the country with the same foresight and attention to detail they've run their campaign...

HOW THE GINGRICH STOLE XMAS (from Funny or Die...)

Friday, December 23, 2011


         If you watched Rachel Maddow's show last night you're already aware that Newt Gingrich neglected to secure the domain name "" prior to running for office.  That domain name was purchased by a Democratic PAC called American Bridge 21st Century, and they've offered to sell it back to Newt for a cool million bucks.  They've also offered to sell it anyone with $10,000, an obvious shot at Noot's GOP rival Oven Mitt Romney.
         The cool thing about this is that they're using the site well until someone buys it back from them.  Type in '' and you'll be directed to any number of embarrassing stories in the media archives about Noot himself.  The first time I tried it sent me to Freddie Mac's website.  The second time it took me to an embarrassing story about Noot from Think Progress.  Rachel says if we keep typing it in (don't just refresh, actually retype the website) you'll end up at Tiffany's and a few other sites, as well.
         This is sweet...  Not as killer as Frothy Boy Santorum's Google search definition, but pretty damned close!


         Mr. Unaffiliated Himself...

        Michael Falcone of ABC News is reporting  a source has confirmed Donald Trump has changed his party label from Republican to "unaffiliated", prompting speculation that he intends to run as a third party candidate, possibly on the "Americans Elect" ticket.  According to Falcone's source, Trump is disgusted with the Republicans in Washington and is particularly miffed about the recent payroll tax debacle.
         All I can say about this is that Trump is like a gift that keeps on giving.  About the time the entire nation has had enough of his ass, to the point where no one in the GOP race other than Santorum and Gingrich would even agree to attend a Trump-moderated debate forum, he decides to thrust his massive ego back under the spotlight one more time.
         A Trump candidacy would draw absolutely no Democratic voters.  There are probably a handful of independents who might cast a vote for the guy, but I really wouldn't think more than a handful, at best.  On the other hand, there are a lot of teabagger types who are already of the mindset that they can't support Romney or Gingrich, and will either sit out the election all together or vote for a third party candidate in protest if the GOP nominee isn't Bachmann, Perry, or Santorum.
         And you can't dismiss the millions of idiots who think this 'birther' thing Trump was squawking about has some legs.  The 'birthers' will flock to his candidacy, even if it means leaving a Romney or Gingrich stranded at the polls on election day.
         C'mon Donald, do it!   Toss your hair-hat into the ring, announce that you're going to get on the ballot in every state, and start tossing around some of those millions on ad time and newspaper space!
          I think we should sign petitions to encourage The Donald to do just that.  The only thing that could make it even sweeter for President Obama's reelection chances would be if Ron Paul decided to run as an independent, too. 
          It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, isn't it?


         Brother BJ sent the link for this one, and I'm surprised I'd never heard it before.  Reminds me a lot of some of dysfunctional family gatherings over the years...


        You would think that Republicans would be dozing off with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads, considering the economy and President Obama's poll numbers... But instead, they're losing sleep, and at least one of them is having nightmares about losing his Speaker of the House position.
        After finding a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, John Boehner limps off to the golf course with his tail between his legs, chain smoking his way to the iron lung he's always wanted.  Somehow Boehner let a noisy group of rookies in the House convince him that giving working Americans a tax increase for Christmas was a dandy idea.  Now he's crying in his beer, wondering how in the hell he ever let Eric Cantor express an opinion in committee.  You can bet your lungs those same rookie Republican House members will have Boehner's Speakership in their crosshairs when they return after the holidays.  Whee!

        A rotund Representative has been forced to apologize to the President's wife for suggesting that her ass is too big, while sitting upon one of the largest asses in the House of Reprehensibles.
Jim Sensenbrenner (R-WI) was overhead complaining about Michelle Obama's efforts to get our kids up off their little butts for some much needed exercise, and managed to toss in an aside about her having a "large posterior".  Go fucking figure...  Personally, I think Michelle Obama's figure is just fine.  Not only that, I'd be willing to bet she could not only outrun Sensenbrenner to the next cheese burger he orders, but could kick his chubby ass all the way back to his coat closet if she had the urge to take the asshole down...  The First Lady is not only fit, she's feisty.  I suspect Obama's second term will include an expanded role for Michelle Obama's own agenda, and it might surprise some folks when she steps into the spotlight with her own political opinions.

        A state senator from Minnesota made a name for herself earlier this year by insisting that we pass a constitutional amendment to prevent gay marriage, thus protecting the sanctity of traditional marriages like her own.  Now, Senator Amy Koch has resigned as majority leader and apologized for an inappropriate affair with a male subordinate staff member.  She's also agreed not to run for reelection next year.  Meanwhile, gay Minnesotans have written a letter of apology to Ms. Koch, blaming their own lascivious behavior on the collapse of the Senator's traditional marriage.  Here's a clip from their letter of apology (try reading it with your tongue firmly in cheek...):
On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.

        The clown posse that is the Republican field for the party nomination continues to amaze... They've taken turns shooting one another in the feet, and between Romney's refusal to release his tax information (American blue collar workers just love it when multi-millionaire politicians try to conceal their wealth) and Ron Paul's rascist newsletters from a couple of decades ago, it's been a lot of fun to watch.

         Noot's numbers went up like a rocket a couple of weeks ago, and he boldly announced he would "be the nominee" when the dust settles.  And just like a damp bottle rocket, Noot's fuse petered out at the apex of his little fizzle, and he's quickly plunging back down to earth with his massive ego deflating behind him.  Bachmann and Santorum are battling to see who can crawl under the dismal poll numbers Rick Perry is putting up, and it's quite a race to the bottom.  Jon Huntsman is beginning to get some attention, simply because he hasn't tripped over a skeleton in his closet or drawn any negative heat from the others.

         Remember the "birthers"?  A three judge panel on the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals has bitch-slapped six sets of plaintiffs, some of whom were represented by birther queen Orly Taitz, telling them that they had no legal standing to file suit about the president's citizenship and right to hold the office of President.  They're planning to appeal to the next appealate court, and carry on to the Supremes if necessary.  What's funny is that the Supremes have already refused to hear any of this shit in previous cases...  Apparently, even the most conservative court in history isn't willing to follow the birthers down THAT rabbit hole.

        Former beauty pageant winner and part-time Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin had some derogatory things to say about the White House Christmas card, and apparently no one gave a shit what she thought about the photo of the Obama's dog lying in front of the decorated fireplace mantel.  Several past presidents' Christmas cards were dug up in an effort to appease Palin's neverending quest for attention... and none of them had the requisite level of "Christ-iness" she seems to need from this White House.  I doubt that having Mel Gibson recreate the crucifixion scene from his movie on the lawn of the White House would make Palin happy.  The good news is, no one really cares what she thinks anymore.

           All in all, it's been a wonderful month for Democrats.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

SOME THINGS ARE WORTH THE WAIT... ( the first legally acceptable welcome home kiss! )

        I'm sure there will be some Rick Santorum/Pat Robertson type out there exploiting this moment to reinforce their own bigotry, but I found myself welling up with tears watching this...


A SQUATLO STORY: NUMBER TWENTY-TWO ( mom's "dumpster shoes", The Gift That Keeps on Giving!)

    (I'm reposting this family Christmas story because it fits the season...)     

    We have a sordid tradition in my family,  one that endures despite no one in the family really understanding why...  I'll try to relate the original story of my mom's dumpster shoes, and hopefully someone out there will have a similar tale from the nuts in their family tree.

           Back when I was growing up at home with my parents, it became a simple fact of life that my father couldn't have cared less about giving birthday or Christmas presents.  He seemed to genuinely enjoy the Christmas season, often hanging outdoor lights around the eaves of the house, and once even built a very heavy wooden star, complete with electric lights outlining the star set in drilled holes throughout the design pattern.  He would help mom, me, and my sisters, erect the Christmas tree into the tree stand, but as far as I can remember left all the tinsel and decorating to others.  He would walk around the chaos grumbling with coffee or a beer in his hand, making a point to toss in a few "Bah, humbug!"s at every inappropriate moment.  But it was obvious he got into the spirit of the season just a little, and that was kind of cool for us to see, since he was a grumpy curmudgeon the rest of the year.  After a few beers, and perhaps a shot or two, he might even sing along with the Christmas carols on the stereo before calling it a night.
           But he didn't go shopping, wrap presents, or do any of the commercialized aspects of the holiday.  Attending mass was mom's thing, and being drug along with her to church for midnight mass or the early services on Sunday mornings was a fact of life at our house.  But not for dad.  He'd just wave goodbye and enjoy a couple hours of peace and quiet when the house was empty for those religious services, and never really made his religious beliefs known to us, if he had any.  But Christmas did seem to brighten his mood a little, despite all the added expense and chaos.
           The reason I mention all of this is to point out how odd it was for my father to give a Christmas present to my mom.  Dad just didn't do presents, so if he had something for one of us, wrapped in holiday paper, it was a very big deal.  This is the story of how mom came to receive "the dumpster shoes".
            One afternoon I was with my father as he took a load of garbage across the bridge to the town's dumpster area.  I can't remember why this was necessary, since we had garbage services at the house.  But for whatever reason we had a load that needed to be deposited in a dumpster and I was drafted to assist.  When we were almost through tossing the trash into one of the dumpsters, my dad noticed a pair of women's shoes leaned up against the bottom of the dumpster, as if someone had thought they might be of use to someone and didn't want to just toss them in with the refuse.  Dad picked up the shoes, black patent leather with huge, ugly Pilgrim-like buckles across the instep, and asked if I thought my mom might like them for Christmas.  We both laughed at the thought of mom opening a package and finding those horrible shoes, and we went on unloading the garbage from the station wagon into the dumpster.  I thought nothing else about those shoes, and had no idea dad had put them into the back of the car.
           On Christmas morning, everyone gathered around the tree and the unwrapping frenzy went on as it usually did, wrapping paper scattered everywhere, lots of laughter and excitement, and total chaos for about half an hour.  That's how we did Christmas at our house when I was a kid, no elaborate ceremony for each and every present, just 'grab and growl' and move on to the next one.  Seemed to get it over with quicker, and that was probably the reasoning behind our method.
           After my sisters and I had opened our presents, and mom had opened hers from the kids, dad went to a closet and brought out a wrapped present and handed it to mom.  "This is for you, dear." he said.  She looked at him in surprise, seemed genuinely shocked at his gesture, and eagerly sat down to unwrap his gift.  When she opened the shoebox and saw the dumpster shoes, her eyes widened, then narrowed, and she wasn't at all sure if she should be appreciative or laugh.  There was a brief moment of confusion as she wrestled with the emotions of the moment... was he serious?  Was this something she was supposed to like?  Should she thank him, or hit him with those horrible shoes?  When I saw the shoes I burst out laughing, and then dad laughed, and mom's confusion was immediately cleared up.  It was, after all, just a joke.
            She laughed, too, then put the shoes back into the box and said something along the lines of, "Just what I've always wanted!" and put the box down on the coffee table.  We cleaned up the Christmas litter and the day went on as it normally did, with everyone gathering for a huge meal and then going off to play with whatever goodies we'd acquired that morning.  Good times.
             What we didn't know was that dad had taken the shoebox and put it back into the closet for safe keeping.  No one noticed them missing, and the subject didn't come up again... until mom's birthday months later.  You guessed it.  Dad handed mom a birthday present, wrapped and everything.  And she was totally unsuspecting when she opened the package and found those ugly Pilgrim shoes again.  This time her laughter was a little more forced, and she made a point of tossing the shoes and their box into the garbage before the party ended.
              Of course, dad was in charge of taking out the garbage, and the shoes were again secreted away into the closet for the next holiday, when there were again foisted upon my unsuspecting mother.  That was the year she got angry about the shoes, and used the word "asshole" a time or two as she stuffed them down into the garbage yet again.  But like Yankee relatives and herpes, those shoes kept coming back... holiday after holiday, birthday after birthday.  No matter how determined my mother was to destroy them or make certain they would never again torment her, they always found their way back to her, wrapped and presented as if she were receiving a gift from the gods.
              When my father passed away, one of the first things I did was find the shoes in his closet and take them home with me.  Mom wasn't expecting them that following Christmas, and at the sight of them in their elaborate package she burst into tearful laughter, remembering dad and the tradition of the shoes.  Then she stuffed them into the trash and we went on with Christmas.
              My mom has since joined dad, and yet the shoes still make occasional appearances at our family's Christmas gatherings.  They might not show up every single year, but they're still out there.  One of my sisters will wrap them up and put them under the tree for one of her siblings, and that person will dutifully protect them until the next opportunity to surprise another sibling with them the following year.  The funny thing is, if you don't see them for a year or two, they really do come as a surprise when they show up again.
              I don't know who has them this Christmas, but wouldn't be surprised if they make another appearance.  Somewhere out there is a person who put a pair of super-ugly shoes out by a dumpster, circa 1968, in Kingston, Tennessee, and that person has no idea how much laughter (and a few tears) those silly-ass shoes have brought to our family tree.
             Merry Christmas!

GLENN BECK'S GOING TO TEXAS! (sing along, everyone!!!)

         I'm sure they mean this as some sort of parody of themselves, meant to poke a little fun at Beck's sense of self-importance... but I think it's unintentionally hilarious.

         And it doesn't hurt that Texas takes a couple of shots on the chin, too...


LOCAL JUDGES' COUNTRY CLUB MEMBERSHIP CHALLENGED ( blacks and women need not apply...)

       According to an article in this morning's Nashville Tennessean (motto: "You really want to take your laptop with you for the morning constitutional?") several local judges and attorneys are second guessing their memberships in one of Nashville's most exclusive country clubs after a federal judicial panel reprimanded a judge for belonging to an organization that has no blacks or female members eligible to vote or hold office.
        The Belle Meade Country Club claims it doesn't discriminate.  Okay, we'll take them at their word.  Why not?  But how do you explain that after 110 years as one of the most elite country clubs in the south there is only one black member, and he's listed as a "non-resident" member, not allowed to vote or hold office in the club?  Women are "allowed" into the club, but only at a discount rate which forbids them from becoming "resident" members.  Again, only "resident" members are allowed to vote or hold office.

Judge George Paine II of Nashville                                        

        A woman named Allison Halsell filed a complaint alleging Judge George Paine II was in violation of two provisions of the Code of Conduct for United States Judges, including one that requires judges not "...hold membership in an organization that practices invidious discrimination on the basis of race, sex, religion or national origin."
       According to the story, Allison Halsell has never met Judge Paine, been in his courtroom, or had anything at all to do with the man OR the Belle Meade Country Club. She was aggravated into action because of a quote attributed to Paine in a local magazine article in which he dismissed the issue of female membership in the country club because women were allowed to join at a reduced membership rate, thus precluding them from "resident" status. 
        For what it's worth, Judge Paine has made several efforts to get Belle Meade Country Club to integrate and allow full membership for non-whites and women over the years.  Other judges who belong to the club have also urged the club to bring their policies up to date, and many local attorneys now feel their own membership in the club might be seen as a violation since they are officers of the court.
        Here's what I don't understand.  Belle Meade Country Club is one of those places where it pays to be seen.  The movers and shakers of Nashville politics and society life see membership there as a "must" if they intend to be successful.  For this club to carry on as if it's not a problem that non-whites and women either be denied membership or allowed to join only in a reduced capacity, serves to reinforce the stereotype that they do, in fact, discriminate based on race or gender.
       Here's the other thing I don't understand...  Why would anyone want to belong to any organization that conducts business in such a blatantly discriminatory way?


DON'T CRY FOR BOEHNER, AMERICA... HE'S GOT THAT COVERED! (breakdown of the symbiotic relationship...)

          Watching the circular firing squad of House Republicans in action is a lot like watching five-year olds arguing over the swing set during kindergarten recess... adult supervision is obviously required.  The problem is, the "adult" in the room doesn't have the necessary respect or fear an authority figure needs to rein in the squabbling kids.
          The Senate passed a bi-partisan two month extension of payroll tax relief that is set to expire for an estimated 160 million middle class Americans, then headed home for the hollerdaze, confident that their House counterparts would do the same.  Anything other than that would be suicidal, obviously.  Take care of business, pass the bill, have a Merry Xmas and Happy New Year, and we'll see you in January...
           But John Boehner's House Republicans instead sent him to the podium to announce they weren't going along with anything as reasonable as a compromise, Christmas be damned.  So there he stood, lecturing the President on leadership, surrounded by the most clueless group of politicians ever assembled anywhere other than a banana republic.

           How could freshmen teabagger House Republicans not know to expect a public blowback for such a ridiculous position?  How could the group owing their election success to Faux News not be informed of the stakes involved?

           When you consider the symbiotic relationship of Republican leadership and Faux News, it's hard to imagine a more incestuous mutual masturbation society in action.  Faux News benefits from the relationship with an endless lineup of commentators, talk show hosts, and guests from the leadership of the GOP.  And the GOP benefits by having a 24 hour a day propaganda machine trumpeting their message 'round the clock.  How could such a cozy circle jerk turn into such a clusterfuck?
           Easy.  All you need is ego, political intransigence, and a cabal of misguided dolts in positions of authority.

           Listen, when the Wall Street Journal has to come out with an editorial blasting Republicans for their idiotic position on an issue ("The GOP's Payroll Tax Fiasco") you know they're tilting at the wrong windmill...
           The only people truly happy with the way the Republican House leadership has handled this issue are the folks in charge of the President's reelection campaign.  They've managed to avoid stepping into the mine field for the first time in what seems like an endless series of confrontations, and public opinion is clearly against the Congressional Republicans on this issue. 
           Somehow they've managed to fight tooth and nail to prevent the expiration of tax relief for the richest people in American society, and simultaneously appear to support the expiration of tax relief for working class Americans.  And miraculously, even sheeple who support the GOP can see the hypocrisy of those conflicting positions. 
           For once, the public is blaming the right folks.
           In a couple of weeks working Americans are going to see a significant decrease in their take-home pay, and they're going to know who's responsible.  That's not exactly a ringing endorsement for your movement, especially during an election year.
           Tea bags, anyone?

Monday, December 19, 2011

PREPOSTERONE SUSPECTED (a brand new hormone on raging display...)

       Surprise, Surprise... The freshmen House of Reprehensibles of the Republican Party have decided to throw a wrench into the Senate approved package which included a two month extension of payroll tax relief.  A deadline looms.  Life as we know it will end if they don't act in next few days to agree on legislation that affects the paychecks of 160 million, mostly middle class working Americans.
       Seems like every time a deadline is on the horizon, one certain segment of the legislative body has repeatedly reacted with a strange, and slightly unhinged behavior.  They shake their fists at the incoming tide, refusing to budge on their principles, damn the consequences.  It's happened far too often with this one particular group of congressmen for it to be coincidental.  Something is radically different about these people.
       Sure, they're all Tea Party enthusiasts, if you're looking for similarities in traits that might explain their lockstep behavior.  But lots of people support the Tea Party and still understand that you can't keep calling out "Wolf! Wolf!" every time things get a little tense.  There's something else at play here.
       I think it might be chemical in nature.  I believe there's a brand new hormone unique to this particular class of freshman Republican Tea Party Representatives, and I've already come up with a name for it:  PREPOSTERONE...

       Preposterone will be isolated, studied, and analyzed, and I believe it will prove to cause a dangerous combination of behavior traits in people who have it, manifesting itself in equal quantities of ignorance, aggression, and obstinacy. 

        I feel a little bit sorry for John Boehner, and I never thought I would write THAT!  He's obviously willing to go along with the Senate version of the bill, if for no other reason than to free Congress from D.C. for the holidays.  There's a warm golf course in a tropical climate waiting for folks like Boehner, and they sure as hell don't want to spend it posing in front of the cameras as snow falls on the Capitol.
       But he has to not only tolerate these bone headed children, but bark if they say bark.  He's out there in front of the cameras, trying desperately to act like he believes the shit they've told him to say.  And that's just sad, even for a prick like Boehner.

        Hide and watch.  It's the preposterone causing all of this...


           Folks travelling down Rt. 1 in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, can now see a billboard erected by an adultery club endorsing serial adulterer "Noot" Gingrich for president.  Who else qualifies for their endorsement?
           The sign shows a photo of Noot whispering "Shhhh!" and is sponsored by the website, a club for folks looking for fellow cheaters with whom to have an illicit affair.
           Ashleymadison spokesman Noel Bidberman had this to say about his group's endorsement of Gingrich:
"Now that Newt is the leading contender in the race for the GOP nomination, we felt compelled to make a point to illustrate how times have changed when a serial divorcee/adulterer is capturing the hearts of the American people.

"Gingrich proves that marital fidelity has no bearing on someone's ability to do a job. Rather than judge him, Americans have finally embraced the reality that affairs are commonplace, and perhaps paradoxically, might be an indication of great leadership to come. He is not the first nor last politician who will step outside of their marriage."



          An article on Crooks and Liars by Nicole Belle has a story about noted teabagger named Jules Manson who ran and lost in his bid for the City Council of Carson, California, and his recent Facebook home page post calling for the assassination of President Obama and "his monkey children."
          A quick Google search turned up numerous accounts and blogs about this man and his FB post.  Apparently, Mr. Manson claims to be a libertarian and a staunch supporter of Ron Paul, and ran for the council seat as a "Libertarian Conservative".   One search linked Manson to a right wing teabagger site in which he posted a photoshopped image of President Obama as Hitler.
          Manson pulled his Facebook page after receiving a ton of backlash for his racist comments, and I'm sure he'll have a wonderful explanation on why it's every citizen's right to call for the assassination of politicians and their children, as well as the murder of those in uniform who serve to protect them.  His call to "assassinate the fucken nigger and his monkey children" should warrant a visit and interview with the Secret Service.

          This guy is just the sort of asshole who makes me fear for the life of our president.  For every Jules Manson ignorant enough to post this kind of treasonous hate speech on a public social messaging service, there are undoubtedly hundreds more of the same mindset who glide along under the radar, stewing in their own hateful bile. 
          It's every person's right to express themselves as they see fit, but there are limits to the First Amendment's protections in regard to the advocacy of political assassination.  Mr. Manson can rest assured that there are people looking into every aspect of his life at this very moment, and every person connected to this jerk will soon find themselves under the same microscope.



          Ding dong, the bitch is dead...

          Reports out of North Korea have announced the death of Kim Jung Il, and while it might be nice to sit back and reflect upon the life of a tyrant responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths, our immediate concerns must focus on Il's successor.
           In in the meantime, however, why not enjoy a moment or two of levity at Kim's expense?

           This Eharmony ad parody is great, especially if you wait around for the punch line.

Sunday, December 18, 2011


          I expect to hear from Sarge and a few other folks who either love the Colts or hate the Titans, 'cause I just sat through the ugliest mother fucking football game I've seen since my Vols laid a golden turd in Lexington and gave the Kentucky Wildcats their first victory in the series since my son was on the tit... and he's thirty.
          Yes, sports fans, the winless Indianapolis Colts, losers of 13 straight to open the season, beat the playoff-hopeful Titans by two touchdowns today, and it probably should have been worse.
          The Titans' coaching staff decided to go with a lame, weary, ancient veteran for 95% of the game, then saw the light and put in their number one draft pick after said ancient QB tossed his second pick of the day more than midway through the final period.  Jake Locker took them down the field for a TD minutes later, and had them in position to tie up the game in the final two minutes when his fourth down pass sailed incomplete.  The Colts, whose third string quarterback had 82 fucking yards passing on the day, then handed the ball off to a third string running back who was wrapped up behind the line of scrimmage as they tried to run out the game clock.  Only problem was, he wasn't really wrapped up, and ran 80 for a TD to ice the game.

           I haven't thrown a beer huggie at a television in about three weeks, so I guess I was due.

           Football sucks, lately.  I need a new hobby.


          I jump over to about once a day just to see if the guys have put up a new video.  I really should get a life, I suppose...
          But while watching their latest (and definitely NOT their best) I noticed something rather striking about a couple of the photos near the end of their video...

          See if you recognize the similarities between the shots they included and photos I took last summer.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

A VIDEO HOMAGE TO BILL WATERSON'S "CALVIN AND HOBBES" (my favorite cartoon strip ever...!)

             From Huff'n'Puff Post, a visual artist named Jim Frommeyer has created a short video that pays tribute to the macabre snowmen of Bill Waterson's Calvin and Hobbes.  If you're like me (an overweight white guy with a perverse sense of humor...?) you already know all about the "snowmen" series Waterson created.  Calvin would be sent outside to play by his parents, and within a few hours he would construct dozens of scenes involving snowmen, none of them typical for a kid his age.
             It might be worth mentioning that Waterson never released any merchandising rights for Calvin and Hobbes.  No lunchboxes, no posters, no action figures, nothing.  Those little window stickers you see where Calvin is taking a whizz on "Chevy" or "Ford" or "The Texas Longhorns"?  Those are all bootleg, and illegal theft of property.  The guy could have made mega millions by merchandising his creation, but chose to remain true to his craft. 
              Waterson retired at the peak of the strip's popularity, and left millions of us in a lurch.  I've bought ALL of the compilation paperbacks, from the Spaceman Spiff series to the snow and holiday issues, and would go back to work in the factory if it would help convince Bill Waterson to pick up his pens and create another generation of C & H for us.  Seriously.  I miss Larson's Far Side, and the day Trudeau finally kills off Doonesbury will be a mournful period, as well.  But I really, really miss Calvin and Hobbes.