SLIDESHOW EXPLANATION

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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

RON PAUL CAMPAIGN RELEASES ATTACK AD AIMED AT GOOD OL' "NOOT" (surely no one thinks Gingrich is a threat to win the GOP nomination...?)



          Not that it matters a whole hell of a lot, but for some reason a candidate who rarely rates a blip on mainstream GOP radars has decided to release an attack ad aimed at Noot Gingrich, who just happens to be the latest clown in the circus to lead the Republican polls for their nomination.
          Ron Paul has a lot of young, enthusiastic supporters.  His positions on a lot of issues resonate with average Americans.  And yet, he's got some batshit crazy ideas as well, and those pretty much negate any tactical advantage his popularity might garner him in the race for his party's nomination.  Still, you would think that a guy who can't seem to gain traction in this race would at least spend his time and campaign resources on ads promoting his agenda, or at the very least, attacking the guy most likely to end up as the eventual nominee, Mitt Romney.
         Instead, Ron Paul's campaign has released a web video (this thing's too long for a TV ad) bashing the flip-flopping former Speaker of the House (turned lobbyist, turned author, turned presidential candidate) Noot.   The ad is brutal, and it's effective as hell.
         But WTF?
         Does the Ron Paul camp actual think American Republicans are going to nominate Gingrich?
Holy shit, not even the dimmest bulb in the teabagger chandelier would think Newt Gingrich is going to be that party's nominee! 
          From an outsider's vantage point, the current crop of candidates seems to be engaged in a circular firing squad.  They take aim at the back of whomever seems to be stepping out in front of the pack, then reload and wait for the next sprinter to dash into the lead.
          Here's what's funny about all of this... Obama is raising tons of cash and not spending a dime of it in a primary squabble.  Meanwhile, his opponents and their supporters are bankrupting one another to gain an advantage, and producing highly exportable attack ads for the Dems to use in the general election once one of these trolls has secured the Republican stamp of approval.
          Kind of sweet, when you think about it.

SHERIFF'S DEPUTIES REFUSE TO EVICT 103 YEAR-OLD WOMAN AND HER 83 YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER



           Found this one at Think Progress.  An Atlanta branch of Deutsche Bank sent movers and sheriff's deputies to the home of 103 year-old Vita Lee and her 83 year-old daughter to evict them from their home of 53 years.  But when the movers and deputies saw Ms. Lee, they decided to let the bank send someone else to do their dirty work.  The episode so distressed the daughter she required hospitalization. 
           I remember watching Michael Moore's first commercially popular documentary "Roger and Me" a couple of decades ago, wondering how people like the sheriff's deputy in that film could put people out on the street day after day and still sleep at night.
           I guess the guys who were supposed to toss Vita Lee out of her home thought about their own potential sleep deprivation.   How could you go through with that and excuse it in your own mind as "just following orders"?  At some point, even the most callous and unempathetic person in the world has to look at what he's being paid to do and question his line of employment.
           I'm sure the bank will find folks willing to do what needs to be done, according to the letter of the law.  But for at least one day, and maybe more, an old lady was left undisturbed.
           If there were a bank account set up for donations and this story received widespread circulation, I'm betting the woman's debt would soon be paid up in full.  Where do we send the check?
           Jesus fucking Christ.  Look at that house.  Tell me a mother fucking bank needs that property so badly it simply HAS to toss a woman (who was born less than five years after Orville and Wilber Wright first went airborne at Kitty Hawk) out into the street.
           No wonder people are camping out in front of the banks on Wall Street... 
          

KENTUCKY CHURCH BANS INTERRACIAL COUPLES ("Who would Jesus shun?")



         Here's a story out of the Herald Leader about a Pike County, Kentucky church that recently voted to not allow interracial couples to worship or belong to their congregation.  Seems Pastor Melvin Thompson of the Gulnare Freewill Babtist Church wasn't all that impressed by a couple who performed during church services back in June, so he decided to announce that henceforth no interracial couples would be welcome there.
         The good pastor has since stepped down, but when the new pastor, Stacy Stepp, moved to rescind the policy, Rev. Thompson refused to let the issue die, and insisted that it be put before the church congregation for a vote.  Nine of the fifteen who voted stood with the old pastor and his interracial ban.
          Now, it would just be wrong to suggest that people in Kentucky are bigots simply because a small, rural church in the eastern part of the state chose to make headlines with such a policy.  And it would also be wrong to assume that all Babtists are coneheaded assholes, just because the majority of them seem to fit the description. 
          But really?  In 2011?  Where else would you expect to read about a church refusing membership to mixed race couples?  What other denomination of supposed Christianity would you expect to be involved in such a time-warp throwback of a policy?  Babtists in rural Kentucky.
          These are people whose representatives voted to fund an Ark Park.  This is the state that already has a Creation Museum where early man is depicted as having domesticated dinosaurs. 
           Apparently, a certain percentage of the Bluegrass State thinks The Flintstones was a documentary.
           Should we be surprised by anything they do?
            

NOOT BACKHANDS FAUX NEWS, HIS FORMER EMPLOYER...



        A woman at a town hall meeting in South Carolina asked Noot Gingrich to detail his plans for dealing with the AIDS crisis if elected, and rather than spew some empty political bromides or dodging her with his response, he said this:

"One of the real changes that comes when you start running for President -- as opposed to being an analyst on Fox -- is I have to actually know what I'm talking about," he said. The woman let out a startled laugh, and the audience joined in. "It's a severe limitation," Gingrich added.


        Say what you want about Noot (and god knows I have...) sometimes the guy is refreshingly candid. 

A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE: NEW THEATER IN WASHINGTON WILL ENCOURAGE CELL PHONE USAGE...

     Artist's rendering of new Tateuchi Center in Bellevue, Washington

           Okay, maybe it's just a personal pet peeve that I can't seem to get my head around.  Or maybe, instead, it's a sign that we've simply lost our ability as a society to focus on one thing for an hour or two without being constantly connected to our handheld devices and toys...
           I don't go to movies anymore, due to a number of unpleasant experiences I suffered through in recent years.  The last film I actually saw at a theater was The Simpsons Movie, and that had to be five years ago.   I just can't bring myself to pay $7 or $8 to walk over a sticky floor, sit behind a kid with a head cold slurping coke from a straw, listen to a mommy narrate the film to her breast-feeding infant, and have the movie interrupted again and again by cell phone conversations and text messages lighting up tiny screens of fellow patrons all around me.  I'd rather wait for the DVD or cable release, watch the film from the comfort of my own couch, and have some semblance of control over the environment during the movie.
           A while back I was heartened to learn of a theater chain called Alamo Drafthouse in Texas that not only forbids the use of cell phones during movies, but will forcibly evict violators without a refund if they're caught texting or jabbering during a film.  I wrote at the time that the owners and operators of that theater chain were my heroes, and if they had a theater here in middle Tennessee I might very well consider going to the movies again. 
           But a theater under construction in Bellevue, Washington, sees my fuddy-duddy attitude as some curmudgeonly, stick-in-the-mud etiquette-intensive stance, more in line with the white glove, monocle wearing aristocratic theater going elite of the 1800's.  In other words, people like me are antiquated fossils who need to be ushered off in favor of the gum-popping little bastards who can't tune in to any one thing, including actual human conversation, for more than thirty seconds without checking their Smart Phones for messages, email, or internet updates.  In a word, I'm obsolete, and they don't want my business.
           So the Tateuchi Center will not only encourage cell phone usage during performances, it will enhance the signal strength by erecting a twelve to fourteen foot antenna on the place. 
           Heavy sigh...

           

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

KATHERINE HEIGL HATES YOUR BALLS! (SNIP SNIP!!!)


 
             A pretty funny (and effective) PSA promoting the neutering of pets to prevent overpopulation...  from Funny or Die.

RUN SARAH RUN! AD WILL AIR TOMORROW IN IOWA (hold your nose, here she comes...)



        Remember when Sarah Palin was on her Magical Mystery Bus Tour and kept popping up wherever the cameras and political reporters were gathered to cover REAL candidates?  Stepping on Mitt Romney's toes in Massachusetts and New Hampshire, suddenly showing up in Iowa on the eve of their straw poll/state fair?  At the time most people dismissed her as waging some kind of bizarre stealth campaign, a Quixotic tilting at imaginary windmills despite her insistence that she was merely taking her lovely little family on a fun-filled vacation to "interesting" sites around our great country.
        I remember writing that I thought the Palinator was positioning herself for a last minute grab for the GOP nomination, and that the (then) current field of Republican candidates would eventually yield a less-than-stellar nominee. 
        Since that time, the right has endlessly promoted a series of misfits and miscreants for their party's nomination, and as each new rising star has found a way to self-destruct, concerned voters across the country have urged various party poohbahs to jump into the race.  Trump.  Chris Christie.  Huckabee.  Jeb Bush.  And all the while, those who bothered to announce their intention to seek the nomination have fizzled and faded away, one after another.  Trump was leading in the polls at one time, followed by Bachmann.  Then it looked like Rick Perry would be the strutting cowboy who would ride in on the white stallion and save the party.  Then Romney began to look unbeatable, despite all of the naysayers in the GOP who swore they could never vote for the guy.  Then Herman Cain jumped to the top of the polls.  Now it's good ol' Noot's turn in front of the shooting gallery...
          Fact is, the Republican Party is in full-blown panic mode right now.  They realize no one in the current field has the bona fides and staying power necessary to woo the majority of independents and disgruntled Democrats necessary to unseat an incumbent president, and they're desperately searching for any friendly port in the storm.

          Guess who's back?  Mediaite has this video from a group calling itself "Conservatives4Palin" and plans to run the ad beginning tomorrow in Iowa. 

           We ignore or dismiss this empty-headed beauty pageant contestant at our own peril.  The GOP would nominate an animated action figure if they thought it would remove Barack Obama from the White House, so don't think for a minute they wouldn't select Sarah Palin.  They've seen their announced candidates in debate after debate, watched them stumble over themselves and fall apart via brain-farts (Perry), curmudgeonly buffoonery (Ron Paul), sexual scandals (Cain), cluelessness (Bachmann), flip-flopping blandness (Romney), and (wait for it...) a loose cannon for a mouth (Gingrich).  Sarah Palin has remained above the fray, out of the spotlight just far enough to avoid a major slip-of-the-tongue, and yet is still the choice of millions of people who are enamored with her charisma and biting sarcasm.
             Sarah Palin has no political organization in any of the battleground states, has done no fundraising in early primary states, and lacks the coordination required to run a successful presidential campaign.  But she has something the rest of the field lacks, and that's PERSONALITY.
             Love her or hate her, she draws a crowd.  If she announced today that she was officially entering the race, political operatives would step all over one another to join her campaign, and donations would pour in from around the country in unprecedented amounts.  Sarah Palin could be the candidate who steps in at the last moment and presents herself as the Savior of the Right.
             Don't laugh.  She's in it to win it.  Nature abhors a vacuum, and while the one between her ears might disqualify her from holding the office of the most powerful person on Earth, it won't prevent her from winning the Republican nomination.
              Hide and watch. 

Monday, November 28, 2011

VISUALIZATION MADE SIMPLE: WHERE YOUR TAX DOLLARS WILL GO IN 2012

THANKSGIVING RECIPE: MEGYN KELLY'S PEPPER SPRAY TURKEY!


 
             Another vid from Funny or Die...

"ERECT OR FLACCID?" DEBATING THE SIZE OF TEXAS...


 
          From Funny or Die, a debate about the size of an approaching asteroid takes a strange turn...

THIS SUMS IT UP...

BUSINESS OWNER WHO WON'T HIRE UNTIL "OBAMA IS GONE" CONNECTED TO BIRTHERS, MILITIA GROUP...



           Crooks and Liars has a piece concerning a Waco, Georgia business owner who has posted notices on his company vehicles claiming he won't hire another employee until "Obama is Gone".
Turns out the guy in question, Bill Looman, has connections with the North Georgia Militia, is a birther/truther, and according to a series of investigative reports by Bill Schmalfeldt of the Baltimore Liberal Examiner, recently had a Facebook page with pro-Confederate and anti-Muslim rants aplenty.  That Facebook page has since been taken down, along with the one for the militia group.  Apparently, Mr. Loomis is receiving a bit of blowback for his opinions.
              Someone has taken the time to start a webpage devoted to exposing Mr. Looman for his hate speech and bizarre Facebook posts, and here are a couple of screen shots from that site:


           
           Apparently, Bill Loomis has ranted just enough to attract the attention of the Secret Service, because they paid him a visit.  Subsequent to that little encounter, Mr. Loomis scrubbed his Facebook pages nice and clean.  The article by Schmalfedt includes details of Loomis' participation in a foray across state lines when members of his "militia" travelled to Monroe County, Tennessee with the stated intention of taking over the courthouse in Madisonville.   His little band of misfits was met by over 100 armed law enforcement officers, and they quickly returned to the woods in Georgia to practice animal husbandry, or whatever it is drunken idiots with firearms do down there.
            I hate to give this hateful clod any further promotion, but then again, it's good to keep an eye out for trolls like Loomis who claim their rights as small business owners are being curtailed by Obama himself.  This guy epitomizes the type of individual who threatens our president's life.  
            We owe it to ourselves to point them out and expose them for what they are:  ignorant, hateful, and violent assholes.                   

TENNESSEE GUN RIGHTS GROUPS WANT ROOTIN'-TOOTIN' CHANGES TO THE LAW


          Now that enough time has passed since the attempted assassination of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and 18 bystanders, gun rights groups across the nation are poised to pressure Republican legislatures into relaxing gun laws on a state by state basis.  One of those states under GOP "leadership" is our own state of Tennessee, and the push is on to reform current laws on gun restrictions in public places.  Heavy sigh...
          A while back our legislature passed legislation to allow gun permit holders to carry loaded weapons into bars and restaurants, because there's nothing that says "I'm a badass" quite as proudly as a drunk with a pistol strapped to his hip.  Unfortunately, the state rep most responsible for that bill's passage was recently arrested for drunk driving and carrying a loaded weapon after leaving one of the local watering holes near the legislative plaza. 

           For a minute or two it looked as though the public might express some concern over this obvious threat to public safety, but that petered out as soon as the Titans lost a couple of football games and diverted their attention away from shootouts at Applebees...

          According to an article in this morning's Nashville Tennessean (motto: "We now require Facebook accounts in order to comment on our on-line content!") gun groups see an opportunity to make some changes to Tennessee's antiquated laws.  They want to test the waters for movement on a broad range of gun issues, including laws that require permits for those who want to carry weapons in public places, including parks, and workplace and school parking lots.
          The agenda for these all-guns-all-the-time groups is aggressive, and because our legislators are frightened of alienating the 'arsenals for all' lobby they will, in all likelihood, comply with their masters at the NRA and its various gun-totin' advocates.  What that means for the unarmed innocent bystander is unclear, but it can't be good.

          So your next trip to a national or state park in Tennessee might include an encounter with a drunken yahoo packing a Glock.  Or that next 'snap heard 'round the world' might come in the form of a workplace shooting here in the Volunteer State.  We even want to give gun rights back to felons convicted of non-violent crimes, like stalking or domestic abuse. 
          Yee-Ha!
          Why wait for the turkey shoot down at the VFW lodge?  Just bring your shotgun to the bar, and let's all aim at that sign that says, "No Smoking"!

         

Sunday, November 27, 2011

A FEAT OF HAND-MADE ENGINEERING: THE WORLD'S SMALLEST TWELVE CYLINDER ENGINE



        I hope the Hollerdaze haven't ruined everyone else like it's ruined me...  Three straight weeks of non-stop partying has left my brain addled, my belt size ever-expanding, and my ambition on the rocks.
        But... I intend to get back into the swing tomorrow morning, bright and early. 

        In the meantime, here's a great video from Boing Boing.  Watching a master craftsman tooling his own parts for a tiny engine is somehow inspiring to me.  What a beautiful little machine!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

PAT ROBERTSON'S MAC-N-CHEESE-FOR-BRAINS COMMENTS...


          You're probably already aware of the latest idiotic comment from 700 Club founder Pat Robertson, or soon will be.
          Robertson was discussing an interview his co-anchor Kristi Watts had conducted with former Secretary of State Condi Rice and asked Watts about a food dish they had talked about, but he was unfamiliar with... macaroni and cheese.  Seriously...
          "What is this Mac and Cheese, is that a black thing?"  asked Pat.
          To her credit, he co-host responded with a perky, "It IS a black thing, Pat!" before going to suggest that everyone get on-board with this new culinary treat, macaroni and cheese.
          A lot will be made of Robertson's ham-handed comment, and surely some will try to lump it among the dozens of other questionable statements of a racial nature that have spilled from this gasbag's mouth.  Personally, I don't think THIS idiotic comment is all that racially offensive.  Just fucking idiotic.
           What seventy (or so) year old American is unfamiliar with macaroni and cheese?  On what social strata or planet do you have to have spent your life to have never heard of mac-n-cheese?  People surviving on Pacific island atolls or ice fishing on the Arctic Tundra know what macaroni and cheese is... how can this silly asshole be so obviously clueless?
            Wait... sorry.   My bad... 
            It IS Pat Fucking Robertson...

PASTOR'S DRUG THEFTS TURN CHURCH MEMBERS AGAINST ONE ANOTHER (welcome to small town middle Tennessee...)



            Here's a sad local story for you to ponder, courtesy of the Nashville Tennessean (motto: "We now have videos on-line!  Check us out!") a story that I ignored when it first ran back in July, but have decided to snark about now...  It has all of the drama one could need for a Lifetime network made-for-TV movie.
            Jean Harris, a resident of Smyrna and life-long member of the 1st Free Methodist Church, noticed that someone was repeatedly breaking into her home and stealing pain medication, so she set up a video camera to catch the perp in action.  Sure enough, a man came to her side door and attempted to jimmy open the lock, and in the process was clearly seen on her video.  She was shocked to discover that the would-be thief was none other than her church pastor, 55 year-old Ricky Alan Reed.
            Harris went to the local sheriff's office with the tape, and Pastor Reed was arrested.  Since that time, Jean Harris claims she has been shunned by the other parishioners of the church who were apparently upset that she had gone to the authorities to report the crime.
           Now, a second woman has come forward to accuse the good reverend of stealing HER pain meds, although Pastor Reed has not been charged in that case due to lack of evidence.  Kimberly Cannon, 48, called the Rutherford County Sheriff's office and reported that she suspected Reverend Reed of breaking into her home on October 13th and stealing 85 Lortab pills, because the Pastor had left the church early with back pains.
            As with the other church member who complained about the thefts, Cannon has also been ostracized by the congregation at 1st Free Methodist Church.  She's been a member of the church since she was eight years old, and feels betrayed by the reaction of her fellow churchers...
           Smyrna police have said that their investigation revealed that many church members had enabled Pastor Reed's addiction by giving him pain medications over the years, including his first accuser, Jean Harris.  Other members of the church indicated that they, too, might have had meds stolen, but declined to press charges.  Seems the negative reaction toward those who came forward might have discouraged others from doing the same.

            I didn't post about this back in July or August when it hit the fan because of a sense of sympathy for those who are hopelessly addicted to pain medications, and because it was obvious that members of the church had enabled their pastor to slide by with this behavior for years.  I felt that this sordid little story had legs of its own and didn't need my help, and I'm sure that's still true.
            The reason I'm writing about it now is because of the reaction of the church congregation to their fellow parishioners after they came forward with their accusations.  To enable a person to continue on in their chosen profession as a beloved church leader despite a "pill problem" might be excusable, to an outsider.  But to shun members of one's own congregation for stepping forward as victims of ongoing crimes is NOT okay, even on the surface.

             In a way, this reminds me of the sorry scandal taking place at Penn State.  The students at Penn State reacted in shock at the allegations made toward one of their school's former assistant football coaches, just as people everywhere were stunned by the details of the crimes there.  But when their beloved football coach Joe Paterno was fired by the university's Board of Trustees, those same students took to the streets and rioted as an outraged mob. 
            Instead of protesting the university administration's coverup of horrible crimes, or to express sympathy for the kids who were raped and molested, they rioted and turned over a press truck only after their iconic coach was terminated. 
            The members of the 1st Free Methodist Church in Smyrna have reacted intensely to their church's scandal not by showing sympathy to the victims of serious crimes, but by treating those fellow parishioners like pariahs.  Better to shun those who come forward with the truth than to sully the reputation of an obviously ill man and his church. 
            In other words, these good Christians would rather carry on with the illusion that all's well in their sanctuary, rather than face the fact that their congregation was led by a thief and addict.
            Given a choice, I fear the students and many of the alumni of Penn State would rather have let their child abuse scandal slide under the radar, kept their beloved coach for another season or two, and pretended that the crimes committed or ignored were less important than discouraging the appearance of impropriety.
            Sometimes the truth is an ugly thing to face.  How we react to that ugly truth says more about us than any facade we might want put forward for public perception.  The church members in Smyrna need to step back and examine their complicity in this scandal, and perhaps even crack open that dusty tome of bad prose they keep on the altar to the part about forgiveness and charity.  I think it's near the back.  Maybe in Crustaceans?  I wouldn't know, myself...

        

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

CARLSBERG BEER EXPERIMENT IN BRUSSELS THEATER (would you take a seat?)



         According to an email I received from my sister (Ellen, in case BJ was wondering...) the Carlsberg Beer Company bought out the Kinepolis Cinema in Brussels for an evening.  They put 148 hard-ankle bikers in the place, leaving only two empty seats in the center of the theater.  Then those last two tickets were sold to various couples and their responses upon entering the theater were filmed.
         This is great!

THANKS, BANK OF AMERICA!


 
          Funny or Die had this one... a thank you ad for Bank of America.
 
        " Whenever anyone notices any of the terrible shit we do, and makes enough of a stink about it, we won't do it anymore... at least for a while."
        "... can't be mad at us if we only TRY to steal your money, right?"

JACKIE AND DUNLAP APOLOGIZE (SORT OF...) FOR NASCAR FAN'S RUDE BEHAVIOR TOWARD MICHELLE OBAMA



         A southern gentleman just doesn't boo a lady... even an uninvited one. 

GOOD OL' NOOT CALLS CONGRESSIONAL BUDGET OFFICE "REACTIONARY SOCIALIST INSTITUTION"...

         "She turned me into a newt!"  (but he didn't get better...)

         Sometimes when I read the news I can almost hear the sandy gears grinding away in some rightwing thinktank's propaganda machine, and this is one of those times...
         According to a quick read of a Huff'n'Puff piece, Noot Gingrich has decided that attacking the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office as "a reactionary socialist institution which does not believe in economic growth, does not believe in innovation and does not believe in data that it has not internally generated" will somehow make the average conservative voter get a chubby.
          News for the Noot Campaign:  conservatives get chubbies whenever someone calls anyone or anything "socialist", or at the thought of a Rent-a-Boy weekend in the Hamptons.  But to attack the CBO, of all the bloated bureaucratic institutions in D.C., is a little too highbrow for the typical NASCAR fan to get too excited about.  Had he gone after just about any other bullshit red tape generating organization in the nation's capital he might have scored some points.  But the CBO?
          Here's what pisses off the right about the Congressional Budget Office, pure and simple: they use actual facts and those pesky ol' numbers to formulate their projections, instead of voodoo economics and smoke and mirrors normally employed by both sides of the political spectrum.  The CBO has some of the best analysts in the world examining the costs and revenues of various government entities, and they're consistently correct and non-partisan in their findings.  To the politicians who would rather make up their own statistics (and 92% of them do, based upon a statistic that I just made up out of thin air) the CBO is a watchdog they would rather not have to answer to for their facts.
           Gingrich has recently risen in some polls, and now that the white-hot glare of the spotlights are upon him he feels increasingly obligated to toss daily doses of red meat to the slobbering faithful.  Look for him to make over-the-top rhetoric a standard part of his campaign speeches from now until the day voters finally begin to realize what an immoral, pandering, corrupt and self-centered narcissist he really is.  Then his campaign will wither away again, and he'll go back to promoting his book tours and financing his blowjob machine's fancy tastes for jewelry and vacations (I believe her name is Calista? last seen pulling a golf ball through a garden hose behind a K-Street condo).
            Gingrich is a troll.  His wife deserves him.  America doesn't.




Monday, November 21, 2011

RUSH LIMBAUGH SAYS NASCAR FANS BOOED FIRST LADY DUE TO HER "UPPITY-ISM"...



           "Uppity-ism"?  Seriously?  This asshole explains the negative reception Michelle Obama received at the Homestead, Florida NASCAR event by saying her family was guilty of "uppity-ism"...

           Is there anything anyone else needs to hear to help define this man's bigotry?  Do you think the word "uppity" is regularly applied to white folks?  What other word springs to mind when you hear the word "uppity"?

           Rush has an Ann Coulter-ish tendency to say outrageous things for the publicity it garners his hate-speech radio show, and this was, without a doubt, a carefully chosen word he used in order to gain the ire of liberals and the applause of the knuckle-draggers who listen to his show.

           heavy sigh....

BECAUSE THE NEWS IS SUCH A DRAG, AND IN LIEU OF CREATIVE INSPIRATION: BEHOLD! GUANO!!!















HERMAN CAIN SEXUAL HARASSMENT AD (via Funny or Die...)


 
         Let Herman be Herman...

Sunday, November 20, 2011

WE BE BACK... (and weary)

           For those who just tuned in, the past couple of weeks have been unusual, to say the least...
First of all, middle Tennessee survived (I guess... I've not received a final Action Report) the Mooner visit.  We all had a great time, killed more brain cells than most of us could afford to spare, and parted company with serious intestinal issues from four straight days of pork, beer, and recreationals.
           My lovely (and dangerous) wife and I dashed off to a chalet in the Smokies for the past six nights, and you might think that would be a relaxing change of pace after partying with a crazy Texan.  Unfortunately, we play too hard for our own good... When there are steaks and shrimp on the grill, cold beer in the cooler, and a ping pong table in the basement of a chalet that overlooks one of the most scenic valleys in the state, things can get hectic.  We ate too much, drank too much, and our meager attempts at exercise were mostly symbolic.  More of gesture, really...

          Here are a few of the shots I've had time to process...







Sunday, November 13, 2011

"IF YOU'RE NOT WITHIN THE SOUND OF MY VOICE..."

           
            

BLOG CON 2011 CONCLUDES, AND THE SQUATLO'S ARE HEADED FOR THE SMOKIES!

             I don't want anyone to take this wrong, but I feel EXACTLY like the little man in that drawing...
             For those who don't know, our fair city has had a serious Mooner infestation for the past four days.  Our buddy Don arrived from Tay-Hass, immediately announced to BJ that he needed pork barbecue, STAT.  Since that moment, all of us involved in Blog-Con 2011 (Reckmonster's name for this gathering) have been feasting (non-stop) on various parts of cooked pig.  We've had pulled pork, barbecue, ribs, and even some smoked chicken wings for variety... along with copious amounts of adult beverages. 
              To think that a group of total strangers (for the most part) could meet over the internet via these silly blobber sites, gather for a four day weekend, and have nothing but fun during that entire time might sound implausible, but that's what's happened.  We've swapped stories, laughed our asses off at one another, and basically made life long friends because one crazy guy from Texas was willing to stir the pot by driving 1000 miles to meet everyone.  Our only regret (well, there are two, actually) was that he didn't bring his wife along, and failed to convince our buddy Quincy in Mississippi to join us.  Next time!  Command performances!
              We got together for The Last Supper today.  Brunch, to be more specific, but why dicker?  Don brought us all copies of his newly published book, "Full Rising Mooner", which should be must reading for anyone who hasn't already ordered their own (and here's where you can find it!) 
http://www.amazon.com/Full-Rising-Mooner-Inappropriate-World/dp/1456339869/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319551191&sr=1-1

No need to thank me, Don, these promotions are a free service I provide whenever someone from Texas fails to live up to my expectations and turns out to be a great guy after all!)

              Yesterday, we gathered here at Chateau Squatlo for two college football games.  Mooner's Texas Longhorns got pounded by (quoting Mooner) some "donkey fuckers" from Missouri, and later my beloved Vols lost a nail-biter to top-ten ranked Arkansas.  (quiet pause for effect...)  Okay, okay...  Texas lost a relatively close game, and Tennessee got the cookies beat out of them.  But at least we found the damn end zone, once, which is more than the Longhorns  managed to do.  (And besides, their uniforms suck.  Who bastardizes a beautiful shade of orange like that?)
           
               Anyway, dead brain cells are currently being flushed from my system, and in order to get a full recharge on my mental batteries my lovely (and dangerous) wife and I are taking our travelling road show to a chalet in the mountains for a week.  We've somehow managed to find the only chalet in the resort that DOESN'T have high speed internet, so it's quite possible this will be the final post on this site until next week.  Or maybe not.  Sometimes I has to has my on-line time, so it's possible I'll get a jones so bad I have to find a wi-fi connection between now and then.
              But if not, I want everyone involved in this weekend's whirlwind of activity to know that we have thoroughly enjoyed every moment of this gathering.  A person couldn't ask for better company than the folks we've hung with lately, and I hope like hell we make this a habit in the future.  I'm sore from laughing at Mooner and Reckmonster's stories... and Miss Reckem missed her calling!  This is the funniest woman who isn't currently being paid to make people snort beer through their nose laughing.  I found out this weekend that it's possible to actually wake up sore from having laughed too long and hard the previous night...

              Until we return (or find an internet connection) I hope everyone will be patient with this blog as it recuperates...  We all need a break!

              

LOCAL STATE REP WANTS ALL MUSLIMS REMOVED FROM THE U.S. MILITARY ( heavy sigh... )

                            State Representative Rick Womick (R-of course-Rockvale)

          How's this for a Veteran's Day sentiment?  One of our esteemed local state representatives told Eli Clifton of Think Progress that he would like to see all Muslims "removed" from the U.S. military.  Nice, eh?
          According to an article in today's Nashville Tennessean (motto: "Covering local cranks for 75 years!") Womick had this to say:
“Who are we at war with?” Womick said. “We are at war with al-Qaida and the Taliban, who are Muslims. It’s a Catch-22. They are not allowed to kill their fellow Muslims; we’re at war with Muslims. The only solution I see is that they not be allowed in the military.”


“Personally, I don’t trust one Muslim in our military,” Womick said in the interview. “If they truly are a devout Muslim and follow the Quran and the Sunnah, then I feel threatened because they’re commanded to kill me.”


           The Washington based Council on American-Islamic Relations has called on the Tennessee General Assembly and the state Republican Party to slap the piss out of Womick for his insensitive and bigoted remarks.  But this being the reddest of redneck states, Womick's brand of religious intolerance is not only tolerated, but encouraged by the base of his party.
            We're so proud...

              For what it's worth, a lot of us in this area are proud of ALL of our veterans, regardless of their religious beliefs or lack thereof...  This troglodyte will stir up a little shitstorm for the pub it casts his way, and probably be reelected for the next twenty years.  But like I said, some of us are embarrassed by this kind of idiotic comment and wish there were some way to retroactively add chlorine to the local gene pool.


           





Friday, November 11, 2011

IN HONOR OF SPINAL TAP, CRANK IT UP TO "11" TODAY...

         It's 11/11/11, in case you haven't checked a calendar lately.  I think we should all turn it up to "11" for the rest of the day...

THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS THEATER, IN COOPERATION WITH THE FIRE MARSHALL'S OFFICE...

        Not that any of this is going to matter to anyone anywhere, but I'd like to apologize for the upcoming lack of material on this blog.  You see, I normally sit here and make snarky remarks about whatever catches my eyes in the news, or maybe I post some of my more recent nature shots from the middle Tennessee area. 

Cedar Waxwing at Murfree Springs Wetlands                                       

        If  you tune in regularly, you know that there's a crazy bastard named Mooner who maintains a blog of his own over at "Mooner Johnson" (the most inappropriate man in the world).  There's also a lovely woman who goes by the moniker of Reckmonster, and her frothy rants can be found here.  Another misfit named BJ (a former coworker and brain-cell eraser) puts his pithy perspective into a blog call Un-Original Thoughts.
        Well, Mooner has left the building.  Not this building, but the one he lives in down in Texas.  He's travelled far and wide, passed through Quincy's place down in Mississippi (and they're still assessing the damages and arranging bail money for all involved) and finally ending up over at Brother BJ's.  I joined the two of them yesterday for a few brews, and a good time was had by all.
         This afternoon, my lovely (and increasingly dangerous) wife and I are going to hook up with Mooner, BJ, and The Reckmonster.  I'm bringing a batch of home made pork barbecue, BJ's supplying the beer, and Mooner and Reck are going to try to keep up. 
          If you don't hear from me in the near future, wander over to one of those other blogs and see if they have an update on what transpired.  Something tells me at least ONE of us will survive the afternoon intact and be able to post a story about it within the next day or two.  Maybe...

           We're all bringing Sharpies to the party, and whoever passes out first gets a full body permanent ink graffiti tat.

             Life's too short to spend with miserable company.  Hope ya'll find a party-hearty gathering of your own this weekend!

             HAPPY VETERANS DAY!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

RICK PERRY TAKES AIM (take cover, this could get ugly...) AND THE BEAT GOES ON...

        I tuned in to watch last night's GOP presidential debate for two reasons:  one, I wanted to see if anyone at CNBC had the balls to ask Herman Cain about his wandering hands, and two, circular firing squads always intrigue me.


           As in previous debates, the audience in attendance made themselves part of the action.  So far in this campaign Republicans at their party debates have booed an openly gay active member of our nation's military on deployment, and cheered the prospect of letting sick uninsured Americans die without medical treatment.  Last night, one of the moderators asked Cain about the scandal that's been on the front page of every newspaper for the past ten days, and apparently, that kind of to-the-point interrogation riles up Republicans.  They immediately began to boo lustily, then cheered wildly when Cain sidestepped the question with some bullshit about his integrity and the low-down media's fascination with character assassination.  A follow-up question by another moderator to Romney on the Cain scandal was also greeted with audience disfavor, even though Romney himself had made public comments alluding to the seriousness of the sexual harassment scandal.



           So the charade continues... Republicans continue to pretend Herman Cain is qualified to be president of the United States, despite his obvious lack of foreign policy bona fides ("China has nukes?  No shit?") AND despite the fact that a similar sex scandal involving a Democratic candidate (someone like, say, Bill Clinton) would be fair game for any responsible debate moderator's question.  Go figure.
           Because the debate was limited to economic issues, a lot of the social engineering Republicans are famous for was ignored.  No one really cared to discuss the previous night's election defeats for anti-union legislation in Ohio, or the recall of the anti-immigration architect in Arizona, or the "full rights for zygotes" personhood initiative in Mississippi.  Must be saving those subjects for a future debate.

           But the highlight of the night, by far, was watching Rick "Bipolar and Proud of it" Perry have the most serious case of brain-fart-osis in political history.  The sight of this pompous prick stammering as he groped through his own grey matter in search of a missing tidbit of rhetoric was both painful and hilarious... Like watching Woody Allen attempting to be suave and sophisticated with one of his on-screen romantic misadventures... It's too funny not to watch, but disconcerting enough to make the viewer squirm.


       
           Somehow (and this takes some doing!) Perry managed to make Rick Santorum and Michele Bachmann look presidential in comparison.  How's that done?  I'm serious... how can someone be so publicly inept that those two trolls seem electable in contrast?  The cameras didn't show Mitt Romney's face during Perry's brain seizure, but unless the guy is made of granite he had to have been on the verge of a snot-blowing, knee-slapping convulsion.  Perry's snarled at him like a rabid badger for three straight debates, and suddenly the Texas Teabagger was standing there counting his fingers, hoping to sweet Jesus that third agency of the government he despises would return to his frontal lobes and make itself known to the world.  Maybe he should write on his hands, ala Palin.
            Folks,  anyone watching this boob-parade and finding presidential material would have to be so shamelessly partisan they would swear Faux News is Fair and Balanced.  Their hatred for our current president runs so deep they would vote for Hannibal Lector if he could get through a debate without chewing off the face of a fellow contender.  That's the only plausible explanation for the continued campaigns of at least six of those eight people on last night's stage in Michigan... the field is so weak, and the Democratic president so detested by so many, that even Batshit Crazy Bachmann and Frothy Boy Santorum look electable in the eyes of Republicans.  Noot's arrogance is seen as professorial and distinguished, not unforgivably elitist, as would be the claim if any Democrat came off with the same aloof demeanor.  Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman are still hanging around because they know NO ONE WANTS TO VOTE FOR MITT ROMNEY! 
            What a clown posse... 
            Honest to God, if an outsider jumped into this race, even at this late date, they would immediately find themselves at the head of the pack.  Even Jeb Bush would shine compared to this bunch.  Think about that... even another BUSH would have a chance.
            It's a head scratcher, isn't it?

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

PERRY "STEPS IN IT" DURING GOP DEBATE IN MICHIGAN... (Commander in Chief? I don't fucking think so...)









 
       Watching Rick Perry winging it in a debate is a lot like watching a high wire performance without a net... you almost hope the guy doesn't try to fit both boots in his mouth at the same time, simply because it would be painful to watch.
       But in this clip you get to see Perry twist in the kleig lights after forcefully asserting that upon election to the presidency he would immediately eliminate the following three government agencies!  Then he promptly forgets the third one.  For an eternity.  It was so painful even Ron Paul tried to help by making suggestions from his own hit list.
        If you had any doubts about this guy's prospects, you can relax tonight.  Rick Perry is toast as a presidential candidate.
        Michele Batshit Crazy Bachmann looked more presidential than Perry tonight.
        Jeez... go home governor.  You're embarrassing to watch.

HERMAN CAIN PAC WEBSITE CALLS ACCUSER "UGLY BITCH" IN EFFORT TO WIN OVER WOMEN'S VOTES...

            What's the "Rule of Holes"?  When you find yourself in one, stop digging?
This screen shot is from the Political Action Committee website of Herman Cain and features a photo of Karen Kraushaar, one of the two women who accused Cain of inappropriate behavior when he was head of the National Restaurant Association in the late 90's.  Note both the question, "Who does this ugly bitch think she's fooling?" and the caption under the photo which stabs at humor by offering to clear up identity issues with, "Just to be clear, Karen Kraushaar is the one on the left."

            Tonight's GOP debate on CNBC might be interesting, since all of the remaining candidates are scheduled to attend.  The real question for the debate moderators is this:  will they adhere to Cain's determined efforts to avoid discussing these sexual harassment allegations, or will they do what journalists are supposed to do and ask pertinent questions.
            And anytime you can watch Perry, Romney, Bachmann, and Gingrich go at one another, you should tune in...

            Something tells me this little PAC website page is going to make headlines in the next few days.  Found it at Crooks and Liars in a story by David Neiwert.

BOWSER BEER AND COCK-A-DOODLE BREW FOR YOUR DOGS!



        Gotta hand it to these folks, they've come up with a winner.  They've created a non-alcohol, non-hops brew flavored with beef or chicken and designed exclusively for dogs to enjoy.  It's human safe, in case some idiot gets confused, too...

        

AN INFORMAL POLL: SHOULD I DECLARE OPEN SEASON ON HOUSECATS THAT KILL SONGBIRDS ON MY FEEDERS, OR LIVE AND LET LIVE?

  

    I've written about this problem before, but here it is again.  Back during the spring I had a pair of bluebirds nesting in one of my bird houses.  Finally, after a couple of years of futile efforts to lure in bluebirds instead of sparrows, they had finally nested in one of our bird houses and were raising babies.  Then I caught a neighbor's cat having a little breakfast buffet of baby bluebirds one morning, and the adult birds abandoned the nest after that massacre.  I was pissed.
       Some suggested I shoot the cat if I caught it in my yard again.  Others suggested I do the right thing, knock on the neighbor's door and inform them of what had happened and ask that they keep their cat in their house, as required by law.  A few others suggested I get a life, and told me to find something worthy worrying about.  Those people were told to kiss my ass... none did.



       Anyway, the cats are back.  Two or three of them, taking turns stalking birds under my feeders.  I own a Crossman BB air rifle, but it's without a doubt the least accurate weapon this side of a medieval trebuchet.  I believe you could put your hand over the end of the barrel of this BB gun and miss your hand completely.
        Last week I attempted to dust the butt of a squirrel that was raiding one of my feeders, and killed it instead when this piece of shit gun was off target by about eight inches.  I only wanted to pop an ass, and this thing nailed a squirrel in the head, killing it.  I'm a great shot with a rifle, but this gun is so inaccurate I hate to even pump it up and aim it at a target.
        I don't want to risk seriously injuring another animal, especially someone's pet cat.  But then again, I'm not baiting a field for these felines by filling bird feeders, either.  I love to watch and photograph my birds, and hate to find little piles of feathers where a cat has snatched one from a feeder.
        Moral dilemma... do I become that cranky neighbor who goes door to door complaining about free ranging cats?  Or do I risk hurting one of them by shooting an incredibly inaccurate air rifle at a cat's ass?
         Suggestions?

OLBERMANN'S TAKE ON JOE PA'S FATE AT PENN STATE



            This mess at Penn State makes me sick.  I've never been a fan of that program, but over the years I've had a LOT of respect for their head coach Joe Paterno.  To discover apparent disregard on his part after being informed of child abuse by one of his assistant coaches in an athletic facility just boggles the mind.  Of course, he did contact his superiors in the athletic department.  But why weren't the police immediately notified?  Why wasn't this assistant coach immediately suspended pending an investigation into a witness's claims?
             Paterno is an icon at Penn State and in all of college athletics.  This would be as shocking as having information about child abuse surface concerning Bear Bryant or Woody Hayes or John Wooden or Pat Summitt... just unthinkable. 
             Olbermann's criticism is hard to watch in this clip.  He's brutal.  But, this IS the rape of children we're talking about, and not some vague violation of NCAA bylaws.  Even though Joe Pa wasn't involved personally, it did happen on his watch, in his facilities, and he didn't pursue the facts in an aggressive manner befitting the allegations.
             I hate to say this, but Paterno will forever be tarnished by this horrible scandal.