SLIDESHOW EXPLANATION

THE PHOTOS SCROLLING BY IN THE SLIDESHOW ON THE LEFT ARE ORIGINAL AND CAN BE VIEWED OR PURCHASED AT WWW.WIZARDPIXPHOTOGRAPHY.COM

Sunday, October 31, 2010

CARTOON TEABAGGER EXPLAINS WHY LIBERALS HATE OUR FREEDOMS...

INTERNET GUANO TO ENTERTAIN UNTIL THE TITANS' GAME STARTS...











Friday, October 29, 2010

ANN COULTER IS PROUD OF HER GENDER FOR ONCE! (polls show women intend to vote Republican on Tuesday...)

                        Slightly Photoshopped Ann Coulter portrait...

          Ann Coulter is happy these days.  She told Sean Hannity that she is "so proud of my gender, which is, for the first time, voting Republican more than they have since the poll has been taken beginning in 1992, and I think that's because women are more likely to pay the bills in the family."
           Well... how 'bout that?  Ann's always been a curiosity to me, being both vile and more than a little androgynous beneath all that blonde hair.  Kind of like looking at an adam's apple with tits, if that makes any sense at all, which I doubt.
            But I digress... What strikes me as funny about this latest pride-fest Ann's so willing to admit dates back to an early episode of Bill Maher's ABC program "Politically Incorrect" when she was one of the guests on the show.  On that particular night, Ann Coulter wasn't all that enamoured with women or their political or financial acumen.  In fact, she wasn't even sure they should be allowed to vote, saying, "I think women should be armed, but should not vote... women have no capacity to understand how money is earned."
              But now that they seem to be coming around in support of the lunatics running under the GOP and teabagger banner this election cycle, women are off of Ann's shitlist and deserve all the rights and privileges accorded them under the Constitution.
               What a relief... 

TERRORIST PLOT THWARTED BY MEMBER OF MUSLIM COMMUNITY (gee... that doesn't fit the local narrative of these guys as terrorists...)

                          Farooque Ahmed, would-be subway bomber...

          There are going to be a lot of people who will point to this Pakistani-born individual who became a naturalized American citizen at the age of 17 as proof that Muslims can't be trusted in any community, because he was arrested for having attempted to coordinate terror attacks on the Washington, D.C. subway systemHe's one of "them," and keeping "them" out of your neighborhood is always a good idea, right?
           Ahmed had been living in Virginia, had a nice job, seemed to an upstanding member of the community... despite the beard and funny name, which, as we all know, are dead giveaways when you're looking for terrorists.  Like Timmy McVeigh, only hairier.
            Farooque reportedly told some folks he'd like to go to Afghanistan and kill Americans, and when word of his ambition found its way to the FBI, they set up an elaborate scheme to get him to plot and coordinate a terror attack in D.C. as a way to "martyr" himself, which he eagerly signed on to do.  Only trouble was, the contacts Mr. Farooque was getting his marching orders from were not actually Al Qaeda members, but were in fact FBI agents.  They watched him night and day, filmed his actions, recorded his conversations and phone calls, and probably read his mail and inspected his trash.
             How did this terror plot unravel so quickly?  How was it that America was saved from yet another Islamic terrorist plot?  An unnamed member of the Muslim community in Farooque's circle of associates notified the authorities to report his intentions to harm Americans.
              Around here, that news would be greeted with a hearty, "Well, dammit!" because we're all about running these Muslims out of town here in Murfreesboro.  We're so against having them around we won't even let them build a mosque out here in the country... some have said it would eventually be used as a terrorist training center (when they weren't using it for a community pool for the kids and sneaky shit like that.)
             Yep, gotta watch those guys with the beards and funny names.  Abraham Lincoln?  Doesn't sound like he's from around here...

ANDERSON COOPER BADGERS HATE MONGER TO RESIGN FROM ARKANSAS SCHOOL BOARD ON AIR (my "Dad of the Year" candidate says he's sorry...)




         Every now and then one of the cable news show hosts gets to the heart of the matter and grills a worthy asshole, on camera, until that individual has to completely back down and recant his own idiotic words or actions.  This has been a week full of idiotic words and actions, from a Rand Paul supporter who stomped on a woman's head because she was attempting to embarrass his candidate, and who then demanded an apology FROM HER for causing the event, to the Arkansas District School Board Vice President who wrote on Facebook that he wanted gays to die of AIDs, and would run off his own kids if they were gay.
          Anderson Cooper, on his CNN show "360", asked School Board member Clint McCance a series of very pointed questions, and Mr. McCance, to his credit, apologized for his horrible comments again and again.   But Cooper persisted in a line of questioning that basically asked if McCance was merely responding to all of the negative publicity, or if he would resign his position on the school board because the district had said they were unable to fire him.
            Remarkably, the guy agreed to resign, saying he wanted to "help his community" by not being a distraction for having brought all of this negative attention to their district.
            Now if we can get Anderson Cooper to interview the woman stomper from Rand Paul's campaign, and maybe get Ken Buck, Sharron Angle, and some of the other "Hoof in Mouth" candidates on air, he could pretty much clear the slate of a few more morons who are set to take office in a few days.
            Well done, Mr. Cooper.  I've never had this kind of respect for your program before, but you're a hero of mine this morning!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

CRITTERS TO FEED, CROPS TO TEND, FARMVILLE UBER ALLES! (mom admits shaking baby to death because it interrupted her FarmVille activities)

            Earlier I wrote about an Arkansas District School Board member who had vowed to "run off" any kid of his who turned out to be gay.  I thought at the time, "Gee, this guy might qualify for 'Dad of the Year' before we're done with this silly season."
            Next to Alexandra Tobias, the Arkansas shitkicker is indeed quite a role model.  Tobias, a 22 year old mom, has been charged with the murder of her three month old baby son Dylan, and has admitted that she "shook him" because his crying had interrupted her FarmVille game on Facebook.  According to police, she told them she then smoked a cigarette to gather her thoughts, then gave him another good shake, during which he may have hit his head.
             At least he didn't grow up and turn out to be gay... that would have been a real tragedy.
            

EMBRACE LIFE SEAT BELT ADVOCACY AD (great little film!)



           Beautiful little film illustrating the importance of seat belts and shoulder restraints... well done vid!

ANTI-BULLYING CAMPAIGN FALLS SHORT IN ONE ARKANSAS SCHOOL BOARD MEMBER ("FAGS" AND "QUEERS" OUGHTA KILL THEMSELVES OFF...)

         I'm not trying to make this 'gay week' on the blog, but yesterday's post about Family Research Council President Tony Perkin's ignorant remarks concerning a rash of teen aged homosexual suicides is being followed by an even more blatant example of hatred and intolerance from an elected official.
          An Arkansas District School Board member by the name of Clint McCance decided he wasn't in favor of the purple flag campaign to discourage taunting and bullying of gay kids, so he took his unique opinions to his Facebook page and posted some pretty vile things about the subject.
          Rather than display a purple flag of support for gay teens, he would encourage "fags" and "queers" to kill themselves off, or give one another AIDS and die.  He went on to say he would "run off" his own kids if they turned out to be gay, adding "I would disown my kids if they were gay.  They would not be welcome at my home or in my vicinity.  I will absolutely run them off."
          Daddy of the year, you think?  Hey, what parent hasn't looked at his or her child at one time and thought seriously about running the little shit out of town... especially during their rebellious teen years...  But this guy's serious, and he's an ELECTED SCHOOL BOARD MEMBER.
          At the end of one of his Facebook posts' discussions he said he didn't have to worry about that happening, because his kids would have "strong Christian beliefs." 
          It's all about choice, you know.  You can Bible that shit out of their little asses if you hit 'em just right.  That's why it's called a Good Book... it has so many useful purposes.
          Wonder how he's voting Tuesday?  Don't...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

BEING OSTRACIZED, RIDICULED, AND BULLIED IS NO REASON TO BE DEPRESSED OR SUICIDAL! (Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council has homosexual suicides all figured out...)

                         Tony Perkins, Prez of The Family Research Council

        I've written at least two blogs about this asshole, and hope to god this is the last time I ever feel compelled to mention his name in print again.  But some people have a way of making the shit smell even worse than it might ordinarily smell, and Tony Perkins is one of those people.
        As anyone who's watched or read the news lately knows, there have been a rash of suicides among teen aged homosexuals.  Young people see their political leaders run from rational solutions to gay issues (gay marriage, Don't Ask, Don't Tell), hear their parents rail about queers messing up traditional marriage, then endure countless conflicts with their own peers through their attempts to hide their true sexual orientation, or through actual brutality when their orientation becomes public knowledge. 
         Just being a teenager is tough enough!  Your body is in full-blown revolt, with hormones being produced at levels that would drown a lab rat, and all the while you're in search of your own identity and trying to figure out how you "fit in" in a world where everyone prizes perfect complexions, teeth, figures, and popularity.  Toss in a heavy dose of sexual confusion (you're not to touch that, do that, go there, or even THINK about THAT...) and through it all you're in the cruelest of situations life will ever toss at you, other than a terminal illness or perhaps the loss of a child. 
        Being a teenager is, for some kids, the highlight of their lives.  They're popular, pretty, athletic, and they find themselves on predestined pedestals of hero-worshipping friends and classmates.  They're shocked to learn later in life that they aren't exactly God's gift to the Earth, and some of the most popular and beautiful of them turn into some of the most unhappy and troubled adults on the planet when reality sets in and they find themselves struggling to get along in a world that doesn't adore them sufficiently.
         Others struggle to "get along" through the junior high and high school gauntlet of torment, dreading every fucking day of school like you or I would dread a root canal procedure or a quick trip to the Waterboarding Clinic for some questioning.  They don't feel "pretty" or popular or athletic, and all around them are the heckling herds of class clowns and sadistic sorts who revel in the misfortune of others, so long as the spotlight is on the loser and not shining their direction.
           Put that in context with a sexual identity crisis, throw in ceaseless societal prejudice, and season liberally with an absolute lack of one clear safe place or person to whom they can turn for solice or advice, and what you get are miserable young people who are torn between grinding it out in survival mode, or just ending it all.
            For someone like Mr. Perkins to say during an interview with NPR that "there's no correlation between inacceptance of homosexuality and depression or suicide" is like saying there's no correlation between stupidity and low test scores.  This sanctimonious prick has been bashing away at the most vulnerable of our youth for quite some time, wrapping his anti-gay inititives around religious and moral reasoning that would make Jesus himself slap the shit out of the guy if he had the chance.
             No, according to Tony Perkins, these kids off themselves because they realize they're "abnormal."  That's all it is... they're just freaks, and because we've permitted them to think that being gay is acceptable, they can't deal with the reality of the world that torments them for having come to that conclusion.
              I hardly ever get a violent notion.  I'm not a violent person, and would suffer greatly if I took a swing at the nerdiest dude in the bar.  But I would back over this pompous asshole in a parking lot half a dozen times if I had the chance to put him out of his misery. 
              This guy epitomizes the problem I have with the religious right.  I can't even put into words the anger his attitudes and his organization's activities bring to mind.
              My greatest hope for Mr. Perkins is that he has a gay child, or grandchild, or some other close relative who comes out of the closet, publicly, giving him the opportunity to belittle and objectify one of his own.  While I hold out hope for the troubled youth who are going through the hell of high school, I hold no such hope for the terminally ignorant and insensitive that Tony Perkins typifies.
               Jeez... is it too early to mix a drink?  What a prick...

ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE CREATOR DIES AT AGE 90 (childhood flashbacks abound... Mr. Peabody, Sherman, and the WABAC machine, Dudley Do-Right, Boris and Natasha, and the voice of Hans Conried)


          There's an obituary notice in today's Tennessean of the death of cartoonist Alexander Anderson, Jr., one of the creators of the Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoon shows of the late 50's and early 60's.  Compared to the bile being foisted upon our kids these days via the Saturday morning cartoon fare, "Rocky and His Friends" and "The Bullwinkle Show" were Pulitzer worthy endeavours.
           Last Saturday morning, being tethered to the house due to this stupid neck brace I'm required to wear, I found myself channel surfing in search of an early morning college football pregame show.  What I found was channel after channel of very violent, loud, video game commercials disguised as childrens' cartoon shows.  The characters were invariably blasting away at one another with lasers,  and a semi-plot was wrapped around the details of how to score more points by doing certain things with your controller should your parents ever be convinced to actually purchase the actual video game for you to play at home.  This horseshit was so loud, so devoid of character or humor or anything resembling a "message" (other than "buy me!") that I found myself with furrowed brow wondering what kids would think of the cartoons we watched when I was their age.
             Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd and all the other characters from those classics, along with the Roadrunner and Coyote series, or even the half dozen other cartoons that were designed to make kids laugh, and sometimes (heaven forbid!) think...
             In my opinion, the best of them all, despite subpar animation, was what I'll just call The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show (although I don't believe it was ever actually known by that name.)
The Fractured Fairy Tales, narrated by Hans Conried, ending with the horrible pun.  The storyline of Mr. Peabody and his pet kid Sherman, who would use the WABAC machine to go back in time to witness or alter historical events, which gave us a glimpse of history lesson with a sarcastic twist, and ALWAYS ended with a horrible pun.
              The actual adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle were my least favorite parts of the show, other than the characters of Boris and Natasha and their inept attempts to sabotage some event, only to be foiled by Rocky and his moose buddy.  Dudley Do-Right was more to my liking...
               According to the web, when Rocky and His Friends was first aired on ABC two afternoons per week, it became the number one rated daytime television show of the time.  It suffered later when moved to the slot leading into NBC's Wonderful World of Disney because it was head-to-head with Lassie on CBS... and you can't compete with a Lassie episode, with Timmy trapped in the well, simply by putting some crude animation of a moose and squirrel flying around saving humanity.
               I feel a sense of loss for our current crop of rug rats.  They're missing out on some very funny, very educational animated shows, while being fed non-stop advertisements for video games and sugary cereals disguised as childrens' animation shows.
               RIP, Mr. Anderson.  And thanks.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

GOONS, THUGS, AND MORONS, OH MY! (Election 2010 couldn't come a day too soon... they're losing their shit all around us)



      About a week ago an on-line editor in Alaska was trying to ask questions to a teabagger candidate named Joe Miller when some of his "private security" detail handcuffed and "detained" the editor until police arrived.   Investigations have shown that many of Miller's paid security detail are ex-paramilitary types (read Blackwater) and they have their own rules of engagement, not only in Iraq but apparently in Alaska, as well.  The editor was released by the real police, and charges may be pending in the case.
       The video above shows a woman from MoveOn.Org who was trying to get close to Kentucky teabagger Senatorial candidate Rand Paul with an incriminating sign when his supporters grabbed her, pulled her to the curb, and then one of them very gently stomped on her shoulder and head.  Just to make sure the loony left doesn't get too uppity, you know.
        Sharron Angle, the teabagger candidate in Nevada trying to unseat the Senate Majority Leader made a wise decision to just avoid the press and public altogether, because every time she opened her mouth one of her shoes would have to be extracted later.  She's tied for the lead in that race, despite having said some of the craziest shit ever attributed to a serious candidate for public office in American history.
         Up in Delaware, the "I'm not a witch" tea party candidate Christine O'Donnell has taken note of the "ignore the press" lead offered by Sarah Palin and Sharron Angle and pretty much stays away from legitimate reporters these days.  But she still has to attend those pesky little debates, and at the last one she was stunned to learn that the issue of separation of church and state is mentioned in the First Amendment.  The crowd in attendance at the debate actually burst into audible laughter when she asked if that were indeed the case...
          Out in Colorado, the GOP candidate for the Senate Ken "I don't wear high heels" Buck is on record as having said he "disagreed strongly with the concept of separation of church and state."  And also, he gets all pissy whenever someone calls the White House Christmas tree a "Holiday Tree."  The War on Christmas, and all that Bill O'Reilly shit.
           In more races nationwide than at any time in our history, willful ignorance and utter stupidity are being rewarded with unprecedented support from surprising numbers of voters, and from the undocumented cash donations from mystery groups working to make the recent Soupreem Court ruling in the Citizens United case pay off big time in this midterm election.
           Should goons and thugs and the rudest and loudest rule the day?  Is that what we've come to in America?  Is it so distasteful for so many people to have a black man in the Oval Office that they're willing to vote in complete idiots to get the "change" they want in government?
           It won't be pretty next Tuesday night.  The mob mentality will rule, and in more cases than not, there will be a direct correlation between the lower IQ and the higher vote tally.
          
         

       

Monday, October 25, 2010

"WILL I BE PRETTY?" QUE SERA, SERA... (Katie Makkai in a must-see rant!!! Please watch this, and show it to your daughters!)

STORM PREPARATION IN TORNADO ALLEY TENNESSEE (and why zombies shouldn't fly)

        A wave of severe weather passed over our little village (just ranked the twelfth fastest growing town in America... sigh) last night, and as usual, the television weather guys took normal programming hostage for their proverbial "moment in the sun" due to ugly weather.
        If you live in middle Tennessee, you don't count on anything ever going as planned, because we are the tornado magnet of America.  I know there are other places with more of them, but in no other place do they do as much damage or cause as much fear and loathing.
        I've decided to give a quick primer for those who might not know exactly how to prepare for a tornado when the map guys take over all the local broadcast networks with their colorful maps and excited voices.  You can take this for what it's worth (not much) or use it protect you and yours should it come to the worst where you live.
        Step one:  I find and put on my shoes.  If a tornado blows down the house or just blows out the windows I don't want to be stomping around in the dark barefooted on broken glass and nails.
         Step two:  I find a working flashlight out of the six or seven we have in the house.  That keeps me from stomping around in the dark in the first place.  Steps one and two are interchangeable, I just prefer shoes first, then lighting.
         Step three: I find a candle or two and a lighter, in case the batteries on the one working flashlight I locate don't hold up.  Usually our power goes out, but the windows and nails stay where we've put them.
         Step four: I get my battery powered police scanner set to NOA weather for instant updates and alerts, because once you've lost power you don't have any way of being warned of a twister (or zombie attack.)
         Step five:  I go to the bathroom and do my very best to shit.  I'd rather crap with the lights on and television noise to cover up the process than poop my drawers as we're being sucked out of the house by a tornado (or a zombie.)
         Step six:   I usually wipe my ass.  Whether I actually crapped or not, doesn't matter.  You never know, and besides, this new super-soft toilet paper my wife has been buying is really nice!
         Step seven:  I flush the toilet.  Don't want that mess lying around if the authorities are searching through the rubble of our house for us after a tornado.
         Step eight:  This is very important!  We make certain my wife's car is safe in the garage while mine hunkers down out in the elements.  Her's is no newer, nor more valuable than mine, but since the house belonged to her first, her car gets garage dibs during storms.  I'm cool with that.  I'm just happy to be here.
         Step nine:  we go to the kitchen and pour shots and toast our love to one another, should the worst come to happen.  This also helps to numb us to impending pain from flying debris (or zombies, although I don't think anyone's made a flying zombie movie yet... but I'm getting a great idea for my next screenplay...)
          Step ten:  we argue over the remote control as we try to find one channel that isn't covered up with colorful maps and excited meteorologist types who just live for these events.
They always have a map on the screen showing a location at least fifty miles from anyone in their viewing area, warning the residents of Mousecreek and Leper Village to hunker down... those idiots ought to already be at step ten by now, why are you knocking "House" off the air for this shit?

         True story:  about fifteen or twenty years ago I was living alone in my little apartment in Nashville.  One night a ham faced guy with a very excited voice jumped in to interrupt the season premier episode of The Simpsons.  I was a little inebriated at the time, and was trying to record the show for my kids who would be over the following weekend and were looking forward to seeing the VCR taping of the show they would miss at their house. 
          I called the local Fox affiliate in Nashville to complain, because they were interrupting the season premier of the Simpsons to tell us it was raining, and would continue to rain, and yet they were still taking all their paid commercial breaks on schedule.  They would break for a car commercial, sell some super-soft toilet paper, then come back to the ham faced guy with his colorful maps.
          The phone rang and rang, and when a voice finally answered I recognized it as belonging to the ham faced guy!  I had called during a commercial break and he was probably hoping to hear from some weather watcher in  Turtlesnort or Buckswaddle to give him an update on the situation there.  Anyway, I tore into this guy for interrupting the season premier of a show they had been heavily promoting for a month to tell us it was raining.  Any idiot with half a brain could tell it was raining, you scenery chewing pig, put the Simpsons back on the air!
           The ham faced guy seemed a little pissy, and said, "Listen, buddy, if you can get God to stop killing people with tornadoes in this area I'll put your little cartoon back on the air for you!" and slammed down the phone.
           I told him to go fuck himself, slammed my phone down too, and waited to see his stupid face when they came back from commercial.  He was as excitable as ever, although a little redder in the forehead area...
           The next morning I was reading through the local paper (which, by the way, didn't include a recap of the Simpsons episode we had all missed) and was shocked to see that two people had been killed during the previous night's storm.  I felt so low... so selfish... and then I actually read the article, and it said they had killed one another in a trailer park nowhere near the actual storm.
            They were probably fighting over the remote control trying to find a channel that didn't have a hyper meteorologist and colorful maps...

             A flying zombie movie... hmmm....

Friday, October 22, 2010

LAID UP WITH A NECK ISSUE, SO I'M FORCED TO CHASE WILDLIFE WITH A CAMERA ALL DAY...







"WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S" TAKEN A BIT FAR (California's real estate biz really must be dead...)

           News is sometimes educational, and sometimes you just read and wonder what the hell is wrong with people.
           A former real estate agent in California has apparently been driving around for between 3 and 10 months (how's that for forensic precision?) with a partially mummified homeless woman's body in the passenger seat of her car.
            Someone noticed a foul odor, the police saw a human leg protruding from under a pile of clothing used to disguise the corpse, and so they broke into the woman's car and found a decomposed lump of person weighing approximately 30 pounds in the passenger seat of the car.
            According to the car's owner, she had allowed the homeless woman to sleep in her car back during the winter and had been afraid to notify police after she found the woman dead in her vehicle.  So she powdered her from time to time with baking powder to reduce the stench, and drove around as if everyone has a corpse in their car from time to time, no big deal.
              Probably used the HOV lanes a lot, who knows.
              It's not known if she'll face charges for any of this, and until the coroner's office completes their inquiry we won't know if foul play was involved.  Foul odor, we can pretty much assume.

            sigh...

JUAN WILLIAMS SHITSTORM CONTINUES... (GOP THREATENS TO DEFUND NPR)

       Okay, I'm not so politically correct that I can't find humor in someone else's misfortune... but I really don't understand the shitstorm surrounding NPR's decision to terminate Juan Williams' contract after comments he made on Bill O'Reilly's Factor concerning Muslims wearing Islamic garb aboard passenger planes.
        I've never really understood what an NPR contributor hopes to accomplish by appearing (often) on Faux News.  God knows they aren't really looking for a liberal counterpoint to help get some of that vaunted Fair and Balanced they constantly throw at us.  Why Juan Williams would want to subject himself to more than an accidental encounter with a bigot like O'Reilly confuses me more than anything else about this whole drama.  I'd rather eat glass than spend five minutes with that steaming pile of horseshit, especially on air, on his show, where he gets to shout down any dissent or turn off the mike of anyone who dares to bring facts from the reality based universe to his little corner of the loony bin at Faux.
         But having said that, I've also got to wonder why NPR felt compelled to axe Williams for those comments in the first place.  I don't know details of his contract, and I'm certainly not privy to internal discussions that may or may not have taken place prior to his latest and most notorious appearance on O'Reilly's show.  For all we know, Juan may be have been warned to watch his ass by his superiors, and then stepped in a pile of O'Reilly's "dialogue" on his way out of the interview.  Who knows?
          At any rate, Juan's not looking for work, because Faux News was quick to cash in on the controversy and made him a three year contract offer to appear regularly on their network.  Perhaps Juan wanted to add some color to an otherwise lily white network of partisan political hacks serving as a surrogate wing of the Republican National Committee... I have no clue as to his motives.
           Now, however, the Repubs who like to get their faces on the news whenever possible (and what politician doesn't like TV face time?) are racing to be the first to propose legislation to cut off government funding for NPR.  This has happened before, whenever that network hits a nerve with factual details of some GOP scandal.  But now South Carolina Sen. Jim Demint has said he will introduce legislation to defund NPR.  Sarah Palin has issued one of her famous Facebook blasts, saying that NPR should lose federal funding because the network was "unable to tolerate an honest debate about an issue as important as Islamic terrorism," and former governor Mike Huckabee is joining the chorus to cut off funding for the public radio network.
           Just for the record, less than 2% of NPR's funding comes from federal contributions.  The vast majority of their funding comes from corporate and foundation grants, and from individual contributors who call in pledges to get them to stop begging for cash and put All Things Considered back on the air.
           

"I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MO' FO' CROCODILES ON THIS MO' FO' PLANE!" (Congo crash blamed on escaped croc that panicked passengers)


        Back on August 25th, a Czech built LET-410 aircraft plunged from the skies into the Congo, killing 20 passengers and leaving only two survivors.  One survivor ratted out the other, and survivor number two was hacked to death with a machete for having caused the crash in the first place.
        Originally, the authorities had placed the blame on a fuel shortage on the small plane, but according to the survivor who wasn't hacked to pieces by rescuers, the real culprit was a fairly large crocodile someone had smuggled aboard the plane inside a sports bag, probably with the intent to sell it.
         The croc did what crocs do and chewed its way out of the bag and apparently the passengers aboard the little plane panicked and rushed to the cockpit area, causing the plane to tilt into a dive the pilot was unable to correct.
         Twenty people were killed in the crash, and when rescuers arrived they hacked the croc with a machete.
          There's a punch line here somewhere, but since twenty people lost their lives, I'll let you find your own dark humor in this situation...

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

JUSTICE THOMAS AND THE FATAL ATTRACTION WOMAN (stay tuned, meltdown to follow, on film, any damn day now...)


           About twenty years ago the country went through a very divisive Soupreem Court confirmation hearing that basically boiled down to a case of "he said/she said" and the Congress at the time ruled in favor of "he said" and confirmed Clarence Thomas to the highest court in land.  He would later bring in the swing vote in many divided verdicts, the worst of which (debatable, considering Citizens United and a few more recent cases) was his vote to anoint George W. Bush as President of the United States in the contested 2000 election.
           But back to the confirmation mess... Clarence apparently was quite the dog at one particular time in his life, fond of porn, and not shy about sharing his perversions with coworkers and employees.  Funny thing is, when you're being vetted for an office that lasts for life (like Pope or Progressive Spokesperson Flo) the FBI and other nosy organizations start asking a lot of personal questions to people who might have worked with or been in business with that nominee.
            Clarence didn't have the most sparkling of resumes to fall back on, and in some cases it was clear he had advanced to this moment of history by virtue of our history of affirmative action in advancing the careers of those who might not have made that leap without an extra helping hand.  No problem there, a lot of us got through school on the same social progression... rather have the kid in someone else's hair than have him in mine one more year...
            But one of the former employees of Clarence Thomas who was asked about him by the FBI testified that he was a borderline sexual predator, and that his behavior would be considered sexual harassment in most modern workplaces today.  The 1991 confirmation hearings were riveting television theater for those of us who didn't have much to do during the day.  It had to be embarrassing for Clarence Thomas, and his current wife sat dutifully behind him wiping away tears as these tales of pornography and unwelcome sexual advances were described in detail day after day in Congressional hearings.
           Despite the controversy, Clarence was confirmed.  Bells rang, birds chirped, and all was well in the land of Oz... until... October  9th of this month, when Virginia Thomas (the tear wiper) decided to make an early morning phone call to Anita Hill, the former employee who had testified against Thomas during those contentious hearings 19 years ago.  Seems Ginny Thomas hasn't quite gotten over the whole "Clarence, you horny dog, you!" thing, and wanted to leave a message on Anita Hill's voice mail asking her to consider offering her husband an apology for having slandered him during those confirmation hearings, and oh, while you're up, recant all that bullshit you said about my husband.  Pray about it, and let me know what you decide to do... bu-bye!
           Ooooooo-Kay...  Virginia isn't your average Soupreem Court Justice's spouse.  You've never heard of any other Soupreem Court Justice's spouse, I'd be willing to bet, and you won't hear of another one unless Hillary gets nominated in the next year or two.  But Virginia Thomas isn't a wallflower who just sits at home and makes doilies while studly Tom decides the laws of the land.  Nope, she's a busy by God woman, and with or without his ass she's got a job to do.
             She's the head of a new conservative group with hundreds of thousands of dollars donated by anonymous sources to help sponsor Teabagger groups around the country.  Her hubby, who's supposed to be above all the fund-raising, partisan political games takes part in organizations that promote conservative ideals, including teabagger groups and political attack ads to oppose policies that might one day be on the Soupreems very own slate of "things to rule on"... a no-no by anyone's standards, but this is a new court, where you can refuse to recuse yourself from lawsuits involving the Vice President of the United States even if you've sat in a duck blind with him and managed to not get shot in the face.  Ask Antonin Scalia.  It's easy... just refuse to step aside, no matter how well you know the plaintive or defendant in a pending case.  Nothing to it.
             So Virginia is leaving messages for Anita, twenty years after the fact, suggesting she might discuss it with the Lord and come forth with a new version of events concerning the Long Dong Silver porn movies her husband was trying to get her to watch back in the 80's.
             Anita doesn't seem the type to recant sworn testimony, and to pressure someone to offer false testimony is considered a felony in today's courts, should it move along to the Soupreems... maybe Clarence could refuse to recuse himself from his wife's efforts to get Anita to suborn previously sworn testimony.
             Why should we care?  Because this whole clusterfuck of a mess is entertaining (at worst) and historic (at best).  When's the last time a scorned wife waited twenty years to make public something she should have left under the rug?  This is rather unique, even by the most bizarre of standards, which are those in play today.
              Don't be surprised if this woman, the wife of a Soupreem Court Justice, doesn't appear nightly on talkie shows to vent her hurt and frustration because some tart from her hubby's past won't clear the air about his thirty year old porn collection.   I doubt we'll ever have to watch the offending films... no one owns a VCR anymore...
             

PITHY SIGNS OTHER CREATIVE FOLKS CAME UP WITH...





NOTICED ANY ATTACK ADS LATELY? WONDER WHY EVERYONE RUNNING FOR OFFICE SUCKS? (hey, money merely talks, millions can fucking scream!)

        There's a blurb in today's Tennessean telling us that "Outside Cash Pours into TN races," as if this is some kind of surprise for folks who don't own a television.  Most of the money being funneled into congressional races in Tennessee has come from "mysterious" groups with anonymous donors, and all of it is perfectly legal because we sold our election process the last time the Soupreems gathered together to rule on the Citizens United case.
         No point in going through the horseshit details of the case... bottom line is, any group or corporation now has the same freedom of speech rights as any individual, hard working American, regardless of where that corporation's money might have originated.  If you have to ask which party benefits from anonymous donations from mysterious cash cows, then you don't know much about American politics and probably ought to find another site to visit, like Farmville on Facebook.
          A couple of years ago the Koch brothers (combined worth exceeding 20 billion dollars) decided the grass roots needed some serious watering, so they started turning on cash hoses around the country to help found and fund something called Americans for Prosperity.  Who's against prosperity?  Certainly not any good red-blooded Americans!
           Once the roots got enough water they sprouted into grassy patches called the Tea Party, and their mission was to get out in numbers to protest anything and everything the Obama administration was trying to do.  Twice a year the titans of industry would meet to keep the cats herded up, and David Koch would invite a few notables to speak to the crowd of Daddy Warbucks who were in attendance... Glenn Beck would be invited to sit in to take notes, and folks like Soupreem justices Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia (who may actually be attached at the hip if you check their voting histories from the bench) are invited to speak.
            When corporate movers and shakers are gathered under such sweet circumstances, and when the speakers at your events are the very gentlemen who've made certain those same corporations now have the autonomy to buy and sell our elected officials, these meetings carry a lot of clout.
             It's been reported that Koch alone has donated $50 million of his own cash to run attack ads against anyone promoting anything remotely environmentally sane.  The U.S. Chamber of Commerce has coughed up another $75 million to fund attack ads, and Glenn Beck has hosted on-air fundraisers for the Chamber to make sure they have enough gold on hand to sway the voters in closely contested districts.
              Folks, we had less than two years of opportunity to turn things around in America, and the party of "NO!" has made certain very little was done to change the course we were already on.  After the midterms in a couple of weeks, a new batch of surrogate Stepford Congressmen will take office, and any hope of ever having fair and impartial elections in America will have become as quaint a memory as any Norman Rockwell painting.
              Personally, I'm going to go vote.  I'm going to buy a nice bottle of Jamaican rum, set aside a couple of the prescribed meds I've been taking for pain relief, and I'm going to tune in for the voting results like everyone else. 
               We'll all wake up to a very different America on November 3rd... and in a couple of years, this class of dolts will look like valedictorians by comparison to the ones they're grooming for 2012.
                Have a nice day!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

WE'RE IN THE TEST TUBE... (What? Me worry?)




         Regardless of your opinion on the debate of man-made global warming or climate change, this guy manages to put your head through a pretty quick wringer on the subject of doing what we're currently doing:  sitting on our hands while other people argue about the science.
          This video lasts ten minutes.  It's an informative ten minutes.  It's ten minutes you could spend playing solitare or collecting Farmville critters or texting to your buddies at the lake... or you could just start the fucking video and open up your mind for ten minutes.
           There's a difference between open minded and empty headed.  Watch the video.
WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN???

Monday, October 18, 2010

"ARRESTING" NOISY REPORTERS? HEY, IT'S ALASKA! YOU CAN SEE THE BERLIN WALL FROM MY ROOFTOP!

         The Teabagger candidate for Governor of Alaska has long been a fan of private security firms like Blackwater and other paramilitary organizations, but Joe Miller's the first to use them in a blatant effort to suppress the free press of the American people if they start asking nosey questions.
          Back when half-term Governator Palin was dashing about the state of Alaska showing 'em the finer points of fancy pageant walking, she was also encouraging Joe Miller to usurp and overthrow the current head of the Alaskan Republican Party Randy Ruedrich.  Miller apparently took those marching orders to work with him at the Fairbanks North Star Borough, and has been accused of using their computers to attempt to hack into GOP files for less-than-harmless motives.  A former boss says that's why Joe Miller was fired from the Fairbanks North Star Borough, but efforts to prove that have come up empty because all of the freedom of information lawsuits in the world can't find datum that has been effectively destroyed.
          Anyway, Tony Hopfinger, the Editor of the Alaskan Dispatch has been dogged in his pursuit of the truth on this matter, to the point that candidate Miller has taken a cue from Sharron Angle and Christine O'Donnell by refusing to answer any more questions from the media.  He made THAT announcement on Faux News to Greta Van Susteren, because that's where scoundrels go to announce things they don't want to be questioned about seriously.
           A couple of nights ago Joe Miller was having an "by invitation only" event at a local school in which he had agreed to answer questions from the invited audience.  Lots of his jackbooted friends from the Alaskan Militia showed up for security, because you never know when you're going to have to repel a terrorist threat or a bad fruit cake attack.
           Dispatch Editor Hopfinger started asking questions, followed an elusive Joe Miller into a hallway, a shoving match is alleged to have taken place, and the private security team in charge of keeping the public at arm's length from Joe Miller put Mr. Hopfinger into handcuffs until the police arrived, when he was promptly released.
            Remember those guys marching around the streets with automatic weapons and wearing the Top Gun aviator glasses last spring and summer?  Well, they aren't just for show.  If you ask the wrong questions about the wrong subject, you too might find yourself standing in a public school's hallway handcuffed with your nose to the wall.
            This is America, after all.  If you want freedom of the press, move to France, you pinko.

THE PERFECT TEA PARTY CANDIDATE: WILLFULLY IGNORANT, AND PROUD OF IT!



         This vid is from UCB Comedy and the actor is portraying a candidate by the name of Michael Sharp (who's anything but).  Hope this works...

HOW BIG DOES THE GOP TENT NEED TO BE? BIG ENOUGH FOR A COUPLE HUNDRED THOUSAND TRANQ DARTS AND NETS...

        We're a little over two weeks away from the pivotal midterm election cycle we've been dreading since someone first noticed it was on the schedule... like that one game you know you're not prepared for, no matter how well you practice or how long you game plan, you're just due for an ass kicking of Biblical proportions.  Get used to it.
          Then you look at the other side's line-up.  You've got a half-term former governor of Mooseville who's looked up to as the party's "spokesman", despite not having said an intelligent thing in her adult life.  You've got a thug running for the Governor's seat in the Empire State who's incapable of holding any kind of interview that doesn't descend into a name calling argument.  You have a teabagger in Nevada threatening to unseat the Senate majority leader, and her only claim to fame is that she's certifiably batshit crazy, even by Sarah Palin standards.  You've got a herd of Republican candidates who are so against government spending they can't name a single spending cut they'd make if elected... and one who can't climb down off of her broom long enough to name a single Supreme Court decision with which she's been in disagreement.
         In short, what you have is an entire slate of loonies and malcontents who wouldn't make the school council in most towns, but who just might take over the House and Senate of the United States.
          Imagine a horror movie in which the idiots are not only in the majority, but are prized for their lack of intelligence and political skills.  Imagine those candidates are elected overwhelmingly to office by herds of Darwin's most retarded sheeple who have locked into one particularly vile and misleading cable television network for their political news, and who will, in short, soon elect their own peers to public offices all over the country.  Imagine what it will be like to wake up on November 3rd to find this class of misfits and lunatics have taken control of our government... and will have to lead our nation through some particularly momentous crises in the next two years. 
          Well, folks, there's your future.  Two weeks out, we're looking at Darwinism in reverse, where the morons rise to the top of the genepool and the best and brightest are ushered out as if they have cooties.
           How'd we get to this sad state of affairs?  How do we find our way back to reality world?
Damned if I know.  I still can't believe we had to put up with eight years of George W. Bush.  Don't think for a minute the same morons who wanted that idiot in charge aren't ready to vote in the next class of shitheads for our national entertainment.
           Should be interesting.... to say the least.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

GRAND JUNCTION, COLORADO TEABAGGERS UPSET THAT RASCIST OBAMA BILLBOARD REMOVED


             Where to start... you've got a crude drawing of four Obamas (one as a terrorist wearing a bomb, another as a cigar smoking gangster, another as a Mexican bandit complete with bullet belt across the shoulders, and the fourth Obama depicted as gay) along with insulting references to George Soros, The United Nations, trial lawyers, The EPA, The IRS, and probably more I can't make out through the clutter... all under a sign reading "Vote DemocRAT- join the game"

               After the painter of the billboard was identified, Paul Snover of nearby Noma, Co received some "very hateful" e-mail, and  phone calls, then the sign disappeared.  Now the Teabaggers in the area are upset that their sign is gone, and woe-R-Us what's happened to freedom in America these days?

               Yep, that's some funny freedom you good old boys have goin' on there in Grand Junction.  Surprised the GOP candidate for Governor of New York hasn't already sent that one to all his construction buddies.  I'm about to pull out a stitch laughing right now... doubled over.
               
               I guess if they had left it at terrorist, gangster, and Mexican we could have put up with it... but that gay guy on the end is just going too fucking far. 
               Keep an eye on  Faux News, 'cause this is the kind of shit Hannity and O'Reilly can't wait to get on the air in prime time for the sheeple.

BO BURNHAM'S "ART IS DEAD" (not his funniest song, but dead on the money!)

BEAVER'S MOM HAS PASSED... (June Cleaver to the end...)

          Here's one I can't remember well enough to discern fact from fiction... maybe someone out there will have the episode in mind: 
           Did Barbara Billingsley (as June Cleaver) ever say to TV husband, "Ward?  Don't you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night?"

           If she didn't actually say those words, she should have.  Classic lines like that don't just write themselves...

THERE OUGHTA BE LAWS ABOUT THESE HOLIDAYS... (I'm serious!)

         When my wife was taking me to get my neck operated on a few daze ago, we passed a house or two in our neighborhood that were lit up for Xmas.  Christmas is in December, best I remember.  This is October.  The leaves haven't changed colors, much less fallen off the trees.  We haven't even had to chase away the little neighborhood trick-or-treaters yet, and they've got their Xmas lights up.
          On the way back from the hospital a day or two later (it's mostly a blur, time-wise, hope you'll forgive me for being a little vague on some facts) we were stuck in traffic in Murfreesboro, which is like complaining about being seated next to a redneck at a NASCAR race.  If you're in a car in Murfreesboro, you're stuck in traffic.  I'm beginning to think we should just leave our cars in the streets wherever they wind up, and walk wherever we need to go.
         But I digress... while stuck in traffic we were bombarded with the ice-cream truck version of a Xmas tunes medley.  I rolled down the passenger side window to see if it was coming from  a nearby vehicle or perhaps was being broadcast from speakers on the streetlights or some community funded observance of a religious holiday.  Never did find the source of the music or an ice cream truck, although most of the trucks around us in traffic did have NASCAR stickers on their windows and bumpers.  But again, that's just a given.  If you're in your car in Murfreesboro, you're stuck in traffic.  If you're stuck in traffic in Murfreesboro, the trucks surrounding your car will ALL be plastered with NASCAR stickers and little "3's" with angel wings, and some of the older trucks will still proudly display their Bush/Cheney '04 stickers.
          And I've learned to live with that, and in some ways approve of those old political messages because it helps me sort out the real morons from the merely stupid.  The guy with the old Bush/Cheney sticker isn't likely to have inherited that truck and merely forgotten to remove the sticker.  He's proud of that sucker, and proud of that administration.  He'll pull over and fight you in a heartbeat over it too, if there was any way to pull over.
          Christmas music and lights in the middle of October ought to be against some sort of law.  If not a law, then it should at least be considered in poor taste to be that fucking early (or late...) getting your lights and music up or down.
           I feel better now.  The doctor said I should resume whatever activities used to make me happy prior to the surgery, as long as I don't pick up anything heavier than a cup of coffee... and apparently, it makes me happy to rant about idiots with Xmas lights and NASCAR stickers next to their Bush/Cheney campaign stickers from 6 years ago.      
            Life's good.  Happy Sunday!   

Saturday, October 16, 2010

QURAN BURNING PASTOR GETS FREE CAR ("DUDE! WHERE'D YOU LEAVE MY CAR?")

         Back when Pastor Terry Jones was right in the middle of his fifteen minutes of fame, with a Quran in one hand and a Bic lighter in the other, a car dealership owner offered him a new Hyundai if he would pass on the publicity stunt.  For reasons completely unrelated to the Hyundai offer, Jones eventually agreed with everyone else on planet Earth that burning Islam's holy book might not be such a great idea, especially if you're an American overseas or serving in our military.
          But ol' Terry isn't one to forget a bribe when he's offered one, whether your bribe was the one that turned the trick or not.  Brad Benson, of Brad Benson Mitsubishi Hyundai in New Jersey, had included the free car offer in one of their radio ads, probably in jest.  Well, someone claiming to represent Pastor Jones called the dealership to collect the free Hyundai Accent, retailing at over $14K.
           Brad Benson has probably been pranked before, so he was a little reluctant to believe this wingnutter would have heard about his ad offer, much less have the cahones to call and demand a free vehicle.  So he told the caller to send in a copy of Jones' driver's license, which they promptly did.
           Now, if you're like me, your neck is probably throbbing from surgery and you can't believe this asshole would actually demand a free car for NOT doing something batshit crazy... But Terry Jones has already considered the backlash to his latest actions, because he's promising to donate the cash from the sale of the car to a charity that helps abused Muslim women.  Hey, is that thinking outside the box, or what?
           Looks like Benson is going to keep his word, Jones is going to get a free car, and we'll see if he keeps his promise to donate it to charity.
           In the meantime, will someone please keep an eye on that fifteen minute timer?  Surely, we're well overdue by now...

MAN GIVES METRO POLICE THE FINGER, WILL BE ARRESTED

          It's one thing to wreck your truck and leave it upside down in the middle of the street, fleeing the scene without reporting the accident.  But when you leave behind one of your digits, it makes identifying the driver of the vehicle a lot easier.
          Nashville Police plan to arrest Robert Burton, Jr. just as soon as he's released from the hospital he eventually checked into later that night.  When police went to the home listed in the truck's registration (which was expired) the driver's father told them his son had "fled into the woods."
          I guess stumbling around in the dark woods without one of your fingers can help make you come to your senses long enough to find a hospital.  Of course, when you piss away several hours without reattaching the finger, it's not likely to ever be a part of your next wreck.
          I'm sure this all made sense to him at the time...

Friday, October 15, 2010

GOOD FRIENDS AND FAMILY CAN MAKE BAD TIMES BEARABLE!

        Thanks to all who have called or written (or sent expensive goodies!) to my laid up butt here at Chateau Squatlo.  It's been a blessing to know so many folks care, and I'll try to earn this kind of karma when I get back to my normal cranky self.
          Right now I'm harnessed to a neck brace (ala "Office Space") and everything hurts including my frigging hair...
          But I'm told this too shall pass, and I'm hoping to be back on line ASAP.

Thanks again to all who have taken the time to think about me during this little ordeal!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

PAUSE FOR THE CAUSE... ('CAUSE MY NECK IS KILLING ME, I SHALL PAUSE A BIT)

      I know, I know, what a slacker.  They're putting in a titanium plate to fuse three of my verterbrae together tomorrow in the very damn early AM (why do these unpleasant things require a victim to go foodless and get up before owls have called it a night?) and I'm told I won't feel much like blogging or jogging or flogging when they're done.
       Just as soon as possible I will be back, better than ever, and sans excuses for not writing more often.  I realize I've been a slacker during the past few weeks while pain meds and pinched nerves have been at war in my system.  Hopefully, the good karma collected from unsuspecting others over the years will pull me through and I'll be back to my cranky self in a matter of days.
        If not, tell anyone who asks that I never voted for a Republican, supported equal rights for all, and can't believe we still don't have a playoff system for major college football.  Other than that, "It's been quite a party, Woodrow!"

        See you soon.  Check back often.  Feel free to send cash donations and get well notes written on the backs of hundred dollar bills.

         I'm outta here...

Monday, October 11, 2010

TOXIC SPILLS HANDLED DIFFERENTLY IN HUNGARY (over here we apologize to the company involved and condemn the government for asking too many questions...)

           The Associated Press is reporting that Zoltan Bakonyi, the company leader of the aluminum facility that released the toxic red sludge into waterways leading to the Danube River has been arrested and will be charged with criminal negligence, possibly facing a ten year prison sentence for his part in the disaster.
            Of course, if he'd dumped all that poisonous sludge into the Gulf of Mexico off the coast of Louisiana, or maybe spilled it into the river in Kingston, Tennessee, we'd be apologizing to the man for inconveniencing him with Congressional subpoenas...  Prison would be the last worry on his mind.  Like the asshole from BP, he'd whine that he would "like his life back" and we'd simply shrug off the whole thing as just another "Whoopsie!"
            If we took the bastards who poison our rivers and oceans out and horsewhipped them in the public square, make them pay for the damages out of their own pockets first and THEN freeze their companys' assets, we'd probably have fewer little "whoopsies" to deal with in America these days.
            Instead, we call them in for a serious talking to... and take turns falling all over ourselves apologizing for the inconvenience of it all. 
            After all, how can a Free Market operate if we actually lock up miscreants?  Somewhere Ayn Rand is shrugging her shoulders and wondering what the fuss is all about...

Saturday, October 9, 2010

WHAT WOULD JESUS DO (ABOUT BURNING HOUSE)? HE'D GROW A SET, TOSS OFF THOSE FEMINIST, SECULAR SENTIMENTALITIES, AND LET THAT SUCKER BURN...

        Bryan Fischer of American Family Association has blogged about the situation in which a rural Fire Department here in Tennessee refused to put out a house fire because the owner had forgotten to send in the annual $75 "insurance" fee.  According to Mr. Fischer, the answer to the question "What Would Jesus Do?" in that situation is a no-brainer:  He'd do a few curls, maybe a set of push-ups, and flex in front of the fire truck side mirrors until the smoke cleared.
          Bryan Fischer believes the fire department did the "right thing" by letting the house burn, because many are confused about right and wrong concerning Christianity these days due to the fact that they've "fallen prey to the feminized version of Christianity that is only about softer virtues such as compassion and not in any part about the muscular Christian virtues of individual responsibility and accountability."  Like when hundreds of followers showed up to hear Jesus speak and no one thought to call a caterer or bring sandwiches... so Christ had to perform one of those parlor tricks where he turned water into wine and made a bottomless basket of fish.  That kind of personal responsibility and accountability.
          Yeah, Christ was all about the muscular version of compassion, which is why he went around curing the lame and lepers instead of making them check in with their HMO for policy coverage liability issues.
           Who knew Christianity was a Libertarian sect?  Here are a few quotes (glad someone was taping the speeches when Jesus was speaking or we'd have all sorts of misquotes and out-of-context snippets from his talks to rely on...):

          "What shalt it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul."  Yeah, having those unpaid bills makes it a lot easier to gain the whole world, but you might lose your house if you let too many of them pile up next to the space heater.

          "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  This one applies on so many levels.  If you owned a fire truck and your neighbor's house was burning, you know you'd check the ledger to make sure he'd paid his fire coverage before you got the chrome all smoked up messing with his problem, right? 

            "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."  Now, this one might be a stretch, but there aren't too many insurance related quotes from the Lord we can use here.  I think what he really meant here was that if you have not sinned by making sure you're paid up on your fire coverage, the sinners oughta put out the fire.  If  you've procrastinated and let the $75 go for beer and cigarettes, those saints on the fire truck owe your butt nothing but stony looks.  I'm surprised they didn't break out the brats and hot dogs and make a barbeque out of it all.

            "Agree with thine adversary quickly."  Here you go.  My house is burning, I agree completely that I've forgotten to pay your fee to put out the fire, and I've managed to save my slightly charred checkbook from the flames... "How much is enough for a late fee?  Twenty, thirty bucks on top of the $75?  Would an extra grand get you guys to piss a little water this direction?"

             It's amazing to me that the folks who want to call themselves by Christ's name can look at this situation and find fault with the man whose home is smoldering in the dirt, while praising the whole enterprise as yet another example of "each man for himself" and "how did your problem suddenly become mine?"
             Bryan Fischer's house is well insured, I'm sure.   And I'm pretty sure he's got his fire insurance dues paid up, and the family has a plan for getting out in a hurry should something horrible happen in the middle of the night.  But if ever a guy needs a quickie lesson in crow eating and humble pie dessert, it's this asshole.

Friday, October 8, 2010

HYPOCRISY HAS A PARTY, AND IT'S A GRAND OLD PARTY AT THAT!

        In just the past few days we've been experiencing an unprecedented level of public hypocrisy in the news, and I thought a quickie recap of some of the more glaring examples might be in order.
        Here you go...

        Joe Miller, the GOP candidate for the Senate in Alaska, has been railing about Federal Health Care Benefits during his campaign, calling them unconstitutional.  He's bitched about unemployment benefits, as if anyone who might have to rely on them is somehow a blood-sucking leech on the nation's arteries... and yet he himself  received the same federally funded health care benefits he's calling unconstitutional, and his wife drew unemployment benefits not all that long ago.  
         Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan advocated tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans during the Bush Reign of Error, but now says the resulting deficits will require some serious entitlement cutting (gutting) in order to balance the books.  Got that?  The rich deserve huge tax breaks and those of us on the bottom of the food chain of command need to suck it up and do without all the federally funded benefits we've called the social safety net for the poor or unemployed.
         Lou Dobbs made a career out of railing against illegal immigrants and the bastards who employ them.  For years he went on CNN every night and bitched about undocumented workers, demanding the government seal our southern border with Mexico to protect the economy and national security of the United States.  But now The Nation is reporting that old Lou has been employing illegals to tend to his mega-mansion estates around the country for years, and some have been in charge of taking care of his daughter's horsies.  They poop a lot, and god knows, Lou's not going to be handling THAT kind of shit.
         Arizona's Governor Jan "Papers, please" Brewer held a press conference recently to announce that henceforth the first Monday in October will be known as "Child Health Day" in her state, despite advocating $72 million in cuts from government funded children's health services in the past two fiscal years in office.  I guess we can give the kids one day every October if we're going to gut their health care benefits the other 364 days of the year...

          Hypocrisy has been having itself one hell of a party, lately... and it's called The Republican Party.